Unwanted Wedlock

Chapter 13

     Another night Ryerson suffered from overworked hours. He stepped slowly into the apartment to see Lyla peacefully sleeping on the couch. How does her back not hurt? He wanted to lift her to the bedroom and cuddle into her and-

     What? He really should learn how to shut his mind. Ryerson's eyes landed on the little box of soaked almonds, the one night she wasn't awake because she was tired and she still made sure to keep out the almonds. 

     Ryerson popped them into his mouth, relaxing a bit as he stared at her beautiful face. Lyla's eyelashes fluttering slightly, her pink lips parted a bit. She really was beautiful. But she was twitching. Even though she was asleep she was shivering slightly, jerking. He was just about to try and wake her up but her eyes ripped open. He jumped as she sat upright, breathing heavily. Was it a nightmare?

     Lyla caught sight of Ryerson. He knew somewhere in her mind she wanted to tease him saying something like "were you staring at me this whole time?" but instead she averted her gaze. Ryerson was still a good couple meters of distance from her. 

     For a second Ryerson thought this was going to be that cliche story. The one where the girl would start crying and melt into his arms. But that didn't happen. And he was happy it didn't happen, this wasn't a cliche, all-too-good story. This was different, because this was Lyla. Instead of coming into his arms, which he was itching to stretch out for her, Lyla sat and put her head in her hands. Even with the distance Ryerson could hear her delicate breaths.

      Lyla knew she didn't have the best mental health so she did occasionally have dreams where she would break down. With all her emotions bottled up she never had the chance to release them and it was like her dreams sometimes tried to crack it open. Everytime this would happen Lyla would cry herself to sleep but she couldn't do that in front of Ryerson. She wasn't going to let him see her like that.

      Forget him, she wasn't going to let anyone see her like that. Whether now or ever.

       With slightly shaking legs Lyla walked to the kitchen counter, pouring herself a glass of water, her back to Ryerson.

      "You okay?" he asked hesitantly. She composed herself and turned to him.

      "Of course," she answered, proud of her voice for not cracking through the white lie. But Ryerson could tell she was holding a lot she wasn't showing. Her eyelashes seemed longer and thicker than normal and her eyes were darker than normal in the dark. They bored into him and he swallowed a bit. Her face was pale and her lips, nose, and ears were a dark pink. He could see the way the blood rushed to her lips and ears. He was momentarily distracted by how beautiful she looked, even when she was holding back tears, "did you eat?" she asked. Ryerson was surprised; she was the one who was disturbed at the moment but she was asking about him.

        "I did but you-" Lyla walked away after hearing that bit, she walked away from him at a fast pace to the bathroom. Ryerson followed her, for a second he thought she was doing okay before he heard the smallest of sniffles. That was all he needed to know she wasn't okay. 

       Trying his luck he turned the door knob, it was open, she must have forgotten to lock it. He quietly opened it, taking in the sight. Lyla was sitting on the closed toilet seat, her hand covering her mouth and nose in an upward triangle. Her thumbs were hooked under her chin while her fingers pressed against the bridge of her nose. Her eyes were closed, her elbows on her knees and she was taking deep breaths. She wasn't crying though, she was controlling herself. She didn't seem to realize that Ryerson was watching her and she started muttering to herself.

        'I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine,' Lyla repeated to herself, muttering it all under her breath like she had many times before, "it's okay, nothing's wrong. I-it's all good," her lack of control was making her stutter and he could tell it was frustrating her when she finally said slightly louder, which was still only a whisper, "I'm stronger than that." her frustration made her eyes open. 

       The constricted tears had her eyes slightly red, and her eyelashes were darker and thicker than ever. She caught sight of Ryerson and she jumped five feet in the air in shock. Ryerson saw a flicker of a foreign emotion in her eyes. For the first time, Lyla looked scared, but he didn't understand why. 

     This was the first time someone caught Lyla letting out her emotions, she never felt a more desperate urge to run away. She prided herself for being able to handle anything thrown at her but this, this she never expected, she was always so careful. She forgot to lock the door, what an amateur mistake. 

     She got up, slightly happy that she hadn't let out any tears yet. She didn't meet his eyes, her body was exhausted. Her brain was tired, her body was tired, and her emotions and control were tired. She really didn't know how much longer she could handle this. She repeated her last words in her mind "I'm stronger than that." That was enough for her tears to stop wanting to come out.

     "Something I can help you with?" Lyla asked. Unlike the first time she talked to him in the living room minutes ago, her voice cracked. Her eyes closed in exhaustion and she took a deep breath, bracing herself for questions she knew she wouldn't answer. 

      But instead strong arms wrapped around her. Lyla froze, not used to this. She wasn't touched too much, she considered herself as a person who liked physical contact in general, but she had given up on that after she realized the kind of parents she had. She didn't enjoy it when Ryerson touched her during the photoshoot but that was something different. 

      It wasn't like Lyla didn't enjoy physical contact anymore, in fact she craved it a bit, she needed that comfort. She couldn't handle when her family touched her, she recoiled away from them, it had become an instinct over time. She always knew she liked physical touch but somehow she stopped herself all those years. But now, she didn't. 

       She wanted this for so long that she simply leaned into him. She didn't care that this was Ryerson, a guy she barely knew but who was her husband, she just sunk into him suddenly feeling indescribably weak, she took deep breaths and he stroked her hair. She didn't cry, she wasn't controlling herself, it's just she felt inexpressibly happy that she couldn't cry anymore. As he held her close, his comforting warmth radiating off him he whispered the only two words that could make her feel even better.

       "I'm here."

________

That was a hard chapter to write.

I also wanted to clarify something, I DO NOT think things like a relationship or some lover/partner can make someone magically be healed from depression or any other mental illness. It doesn't work like that, and I know some of you might think that how this story is set is completely controversial to what I'm saying but really, it's not.

 In this story Lyla is struggling and she's persevering and strong throughout it, and this chapter, this is how Ryerson is there for her, not that his presence is suddenly making her so happy that all traces of what she is going through is gone with a snap of his fingers. I wanted to clarify that, because truly, I do not think it's accurate to think that having a lover can suddenly change things like this. 

Anyway, for those who actually read that, thank you! 

Don't forget to vote and share! 

Also, do let me know what you think of my story, I would love to know your thoughts as this story is rather special to me.