The Badboy, the Catfish & Me

Nineteen

I got a text from Aunt Naomi saying she was sorry for being busy, but it was finals week for her college students, and she wouldn't have much free time to hang out. I couldn't complain when it was the same for me at Maxwell High.

When I wsan't playing CrusadEon, I was studying to forget that my family had its issues. Every time I bumped into Baba around the house, I was constantly reminded of what Salah had told me, and it pricked my chest. I wondered how to talk to him about it before Mama found out.

The opportunity came that Friday evening. Mama had to go to the pharmacy to pick up her new glasses prescription. Baba offered to go with her, but Mama only told him she didn't want me alone in the house. Baba winded down on the sofa without argument, and his eyes focused on the TV. He had his hands on a gaming controller and a bag of chocolate-covered pretzels beside him.

I slinked onto the sofa right beside him and stayed silent.

Baba glanced at me before asking, "Hey, princess. You wanna watch your old man annihilate these guys?"

I tensed at how casual he was. My body felt too cold.

"No." My response back was sharp.

Baba's eyes widened at the tone of my voice, and he paused Call of War to put his full attention on me.

"Inaya, what's going on?"

I kept my gaze on the black screen of the TV. "Well, what's going on with you?"

"Huh...?"

I didn't know how to skirt the question, and I'd always been honest with Baba, so I said, "Baba, you shouldn't be doing drugs."

He stared at me with shocked, unblinking eyes before he dropped his gaze.

"What are you talking about?" he asked softly.

I refused to back down even though every word was killing me. "I know the smell in the car. Please don't lie about it."

Baba's jaws shifted, and he settled back into the sofa with regret. I waited. The house waited, too, with the only other noise coming from the humming refrigerator in the kitchen.

"I...I never meant for you to find out."

I felt a rush of fury at his response. "It doesn't matter whether I found you out or not! It's a matter that you're doing it—because it's wrong! Why are you doing it, Baba? How can you do that?" My voice had gone from anger to sadness, and my throat was starting to close up. Tears pricked the corner of my eyes.

Baba exhaled through his nostrils and ran a hand through his graying hair. He'd cut the curls off since Mama didn't really like them. I waited some more. He still didn't look my way.

"I'm sorry, Inaya," was all he mumbled.

I nodded, though I was still breathing hard. Why was he doing this? Happy people don't do drugs. Why was he pretending every day as if everything was fine instead of asking someone for help? What was hurting him so much that he was doing this?

"Is it because Mama has those episodes?" I asked him in a low voice.

"No, no."

Bile rose in my throat. I didn't know why my mom had depressive events and now I didn't know why my dad was doing drugs. What else was hiding in my family?

"Am I doing something wrong?"

"No." Baba leaned forward, elbows propped into his knees, and he shook his head. He folded his hands behind his nape and stared blankly at the carpet. "It's got nothing to do with you."