The Badboy, the Catfish & Me

Twenty-Three

Mama gave a glance at the screen before her gaze locked onto me.

"You're still playing that game?" The cup of yogurt in her right hand meant for me shook a little, and there was agitation in her voice. "And talking to that boy?"

"Um," I gripped my fingers so hard that the edges of my nails turned white. I had to say something. "I've been cutting down my game time since we had that talk," I started, swallowing hard. "But I wanted to log in today and—"

"I thought I was clear with you," Mama cut into my sentence as she set the snack beside my computer.

I let out a frustrated groan. "I'm only playing today because—"

"Listen to me, Inaya. I want you to stop this right away. If you don't tell him the truth right now, then on Monday, you are going to confess everything to him at school," Mama said sternly.

"Wait, Mama. You don't understand!" Tears started to form in the corner of my eyes. "I...I didn't mean to do anything wrong."

"Inaya, I understood enough. And you're not going to argue with me on this anymore."

Argue was exactly what I wanted to do. And Mama saw it in my eyes.

"Inaya Ofrazita Stonewell."

I swallowed hard at Mama's use of my middle name and Baba's last name.

"A believer can be anything except a what?"

The question caught me off guard. "Huh?"

"I've taught you this. The prophet of Islam said that 'A believer can be anything except' a what?"

I slumped my shoulders, and I looked away. "A liar," I mumbled.

"That's right. And look at where being a liar has gotten you. You withheld information to mislead him, and here he is, laying down his whole heart for you."

"But I didn't mean to!"

"Allah judges every action as determined by its intention. Can you tell me your intentions were good when you started this? Can you, Inaya?"

I curled my hands into a fist. Meeting my mom's dark eyes, I said in a shaky voice, "So, only adults are allowed to lie?"

The moment I spoke the question, I realized I'd made a mistake. I almost outed my dad when I promised not to.

"What do you mean?" Mama's voice lost its fire. "Who lies to you?"

I stepped away, facing my closet doors. Hot and unwanted tears flowed down my cheeks. Mama walked over to place a hand on my shoulder to get me to look at her, but I kept my head turned away. My mom didn't understand. She didn't want to understand. She was so focused on her advice that she didn't want to hear my side of things.

"You have to come clean to the boy, Inaya. And if he doesn't forgive you," Mama continued, ignoring my discomfort, "don't force your guilt on him or be upset about it. Because he's the victim here, not you. You playing the game is one thing, but to trick this boy for so long—not to mention it meant you were being too friendly with him if he's so adamant about seeing you—I expected better from you."

I kept quiet, feeling my heart wrench. Even when she left the room, I didn't feel any better. I remembered the mood Mama had been in when she got home. Maybe Mama wanted to hang out with me because she got out of her depressive episode, and now I'd ruined it with the CrusadEon mess. I sniffled and walked to the bed, falling onto it in a heap.

"What do I do?" I whispered to myself. Normally Baba was my go-to, but I felt I couldn't do that, either. Not when Baba would have to do the same with Mama regarding his actions sooner or later.