noctilucent

ii, rebirth

"Why does it matter to you?"

The boy replied, his eyes gradually retaining clarity. He lifted his chin, staring straight at the girl, who had nothing to say against his retort.

Xu Fengyin secretly clenched his fist, his ice-cold fingers grasping at the green, green grass. He dug his fingers into the ground, feeling the sensation of dirt in between his fingernails, feeling the chill in his bones and the warmth from his back where the old man's palm laid on top of his body, transferring something into him.

He was.... alive.

He remembered otherwise.

He remembered the rush of water as it filled his lungs, remembers the painangerragesorrow as the light slowly flickers in and out of his vision, remembers dying, drowning in an ocean of endless darkness.

And yet.

Here he was, alive, in another person's body.

Here he was, alive, with a second chance.

Alive, alive, alive.

(Why was he still alive?)

Xu Longyue's eyes grew colder and sharper once she heard his words. Her shoulders slumped for a minute moment - as if defeated, but like an illusion, she stood strong and proud yet again, looking down at him.

"Fine," she spat, stepping back. "Then, there's nothing to say to father. You lot," she gestured at the group of disciples with her chin, turning around swiftly. "Follow me."

"Y-yes, young lady!"

Follow her they did, but not before casting him an ugly glance.

Xu Fengyin staggered to his feet, wobbling like a fawn just learning how to walk. Elder Ruoxin attempted to aide him, but was rejected with a shake of his head.

"I can, I can do it myself. Thanking the elder for having helped me." Xu Fengyin murmured demurely, his head bowing to the elder. His fists stayed clenched, dirt clinging to the crevice of his palms, the dew of the grass wetting his fingers.

It was real. He's alive.

Without even waiting for the elderly man to dismis him, he started to walk opposite of the way Xu Longyue headed - following the body's ingrained memory, and leaving the elderly man alone.

"That child..."

He walked and walked, passing by unkept shrubbery and an obscure path, where a dilapidated courtyard awaited him.

Hah, it was exactly what he thought. The body of his, that he now possessed, was an unfavoured child.

A mirthless smile played on Xu Fengyin's lips, his eyes dark and cold. He walked across the shabby courtyard, and into a room where he felt like where the original owner may have slept for the past few winters.

The interior of the room looked exactly like the courtyard; empty and worthless. There was nothing of value to indicate his position in this world, but it also didn't look like he was a beggar or a stray. It looked more as if he was an unwanted child.

The quilt on the bed looked well-worn and old, the books laying on top of the table were carefully put together and stitched carefully, all for the sake of pretending everything was fine.

The base of the chairs were cracked, chips and splinters of wood strewn on the ground, speckles of brown on the top of the table. Xu Fengyin walked over to the cluster of drawers at the foot of the bed, opening them to reveal plain and colourless clothes, seeming like someone's belated attempts at caring.

He sat on the bed, mindful of the splinters and broken wood. The hard bed did not yield to his weight, but it was probably because of how thin and bony his wrists looked, even to him.

He brought his hands higher, against the dying light filtering through the paper windows. Pale skin that looks like it would bruise at even a single touch, and fingers that will bleed at the slightest sharp object. Wrists so thin his hand could circle it once and still have room to spare.

Xu Fengyin's eyes lowered, his hands resting on his lap. Traces of dirt and grime clung to the tips of his fingers, and smeared the cloth. He had half the thought to change his clothing to something less damp, but the lethargy from his accident caught up to him.

His eyes fluttered shut, and he slowly slumped backwards.

-

It's cold.

Xu Fengyin opened his eyes blearily, a sea of fog clouding his mind. In front of him, a blurry figure moved around the room.

A robber...? Trying to rob this trash of a place?

His eyebrows knitted together, but he didn't have enough energy to dissuade the thief.

His mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton, and his limbs felt weak. His throat felt parched.

It must be a fever, he thinks, dismayed. His hands groped around the bed, trying to find the small piece of cloth the original owner might have called a blanket, but in the midst of his search, he knocked something off the bed and to the ground, garnering noise.

Fuck.

The figure stopped in whatever they were doing, and Xu Fengyin laid completely still, holding in his breath.

Fuck, I fucked up.

The unknown figure walked towards him, without a sound. The dim moonlight revealed their features one by one, and it wasn't one that he personally remembered, but his heart ached at seeing the other's face.

A handsome man, at the cusp of adulthood. His features were deep and stern, his eyebrows knitted into what can be called a frown. The moonlight cast a silvery glow on the planes of his face; casting a shadow on the other half.

He raised his hand, and Xu Fengyin unconsciously flinched.

He paused.

"Have you sulked enough?" The man asked coldly, his hand lowering to his side, where a sword was strapped to his waist. Xu Fengyin eyes it warily, before looking back up at the man's face once again, where a pair of amber eyes stared straight at him.

Xu Fengyin did not answer, but his grip tightened on the threadbare blanket.