Remembrance-Attack on titan(angst/dark comedy)

Ch.1 self reflection

What did I do to deserve this?
What did you do?
Whatever went wrong?
Why'd things change the way they did?
Why can't it be like it was back then?
How was it back then? Why can't  I remember how it felt? Was I happy?
Were we happy? Was it because you were with me in the first place? Did I doom you? Or.. was this always meant to be?
Something neither of us could change from the day we were born..
I'm forgetting your voice now.. I can almost...your face..

      ∷ ∷ ∷

Two years had passed since that fateful day, daily life became a blur for Levi, everything was the same, molded together and that got tiring, endless hours of the same old routine, just like it was some sort of time loop, he didn't do much but  exist but he was was still exhausted..no matter what he was doing, that exhaustion being physically and mentally, there was no motivation to do anything.. everyday feels like the day before and the day before that.
wake up.. shitty morning routine, skip breakfast drink his favorite tea and go to work, clean, eat (if he felt like it and he rarely ever did..) clean again, go to bed.. not that he'd sleep at all, or he did, just not well..

Why does that alone hurt so much? Is it because it's further away from the last time I saw you?

he didn't want to think like that anymore.. to think about him, most of the time Levi found himself wondering and questioning why he was still there..

Who am I  living for?

Clearly, not myself.

Not them either so don't lie to yourself,

they're disappointed in you.

I'm not happy..

You used to do things you know- not all the time but, sometimes at least besides getting up to clean up your own mess and laze around like a useless idiot.

"Right. too bad I don't have anyone to do that for anymore." He mumbled, turning over on his side,  Levi became more and more clumsy.. it was just there..dropping things, bumping into things, maybe to distract himself so he had things to clean.. was this on purpose?
"heh, yep. Thanks, I'll just stay here then I guess." He gave a sick and sarcastic chuckle at his own painful thoughts, were they always this painful?
how does a man get his feelings hurt by his own words- better yet, thoughts?

Simple, you're a broken man, mentally and oh yeah let's not forget  physically as well- look at you.. I mean you're all...skinny one sneaky little poke and you'd fall and break into tiny little itty bitty pieces.. sure you look all clean, well-kept hair and all but, everything else is slacking, eye bags,  a 'resting bitch face'  and all, you know.. with how petite you are you could pull off the look of a woman, no one could top that.. I mean you sure of course,  but that's not what we're on about.

Here Levi was as usual, laying in his bed, sleep? What did that feel like again?.. ah, didn't matter, past two years and his insomnia had only gotten worse but now it was even more unbearable, and his bed
became even more lonely then it used to be, he thought by now he'd be used to it but that's just not how it was, things didn't used to be this way, when he used to be alone it didn't really feel lonely because he was used to it then.

    

Those words.. Why were they strangely ...comforting?
Am I that lonely?
No.. I still have-

    

He closed his eyes for a brief moment to continue thinking but only to hear loud knocking on his door, honestly it was more like pounding than anything, he didn't even take a second to think of who it was, he knew, just by that annoying pattern pretty much being carved into his ears..