I think of the future and the past all the time, like all of us do. But today I can't help but wonder, should I let my past enter my future life or not. Today is my wedding day, I never wake up this early, but I couldn't sleep this morning. I'm thinking about everything, my life will never be the same. Am I ready for this? Is Jack the one? I panicked, is this normal for my situation? yes of course it is, no it's not, I should be the happiest, there is no time for doubts, I will be married in 6 hours. I love him, I love Jack, we will be the happiest couple, the happiest family. I was sitting in my childhood bedroom, on my childhood bed for the first time after a long time and probably for the last time. I was staring at my sister, who is my best friend by the way. We used to sit down on our beds till midnight and plan our weddings. She got married five years ago and was the most beautiful bride I had ever seen. Actually Nessa is one of the most beautiful people I've ever met. She looks like a Pocahontas, with long dark hair, full lips, little nose, slim face. And her eyes they are unbelievable, one blue and the other green. Nessa is my twin sister. Only difference is that my hair is curly, my eyes are brown, my lips are bigger. She is taller and slimmer than me. But still we look like each other a lot. I left the room quietly so I wouldn't wake Nessa up. I went into the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror. My face looked wider and it wasn't my good hair day. I was nervous, I wanted to cry my eyes out, but someone knocked on the bathroom door, it was my mother, my best friend. She looked so happy and peaceful that it calmed me down too. She hugged me and kissed me on forehead. Me and my parents grew up together, they were 17 when me and my sister were born. My father was never ready for our marriages, now he seemed calm, but in his eyes I saw untold pain, what if I wasn't treated right, what if his little princess wasn't happy, what if my future husband wasn't the right choice for me. It was hard to let go of another daughter. But I wasn't daddy's little girl anymore, I was 28 and I didn't live with my parents, but still it felt like, I was leaving my childhood. Few hours later I was standing in front of the mirror in a hotel room, in my dream dress, I was proud of myself, I did it, my childhood dream was coming true, my long white dress was perfect, my hair looked amazing and I was the woman I've always imagined I would be on my wedding day. I looked out the window and saw my dream wedding day, I've organized everything. I'm a big organizer, I love organizing birthday parties, christmas nights and everything in my life. Everyone I loved was gathering in the garden, where was my Twilight themed wedding party. I started to think and realized I was more excited about this party, than my after life with Jack, love of my life.
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Someone entered the room, I turned around and calmed down as I saw my first and eternity best friend, Larry, he was my maid of honour. I hugged him. -I'm so happy you're here -of course I'm here. And you look spectacular, it really is a dream wedding. -yes I know. (I laughed) I love being in the center of attention. I've always been everyone's interest. Every compliment makes me happy. Everyone knows that and they make sure to remind me I look beautiful, especially on my wedding day.
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Larry sat down nervously. I knew something wasn't right with him. -just tell me, it won't ruin my day, whatever is it just tell me. -are you sure. -yes, I am. -okay, he knows. -he knows? who? he? is he alive? he isn't dead? say something -yes he called me 1 week ago from unknown number. Told me he knows you're getting married, he is happy for you and wants everything best for you and your husband. -he is happy for me??? what does it mean? he wants everything best for me? I didn't even know he was alive, I've been searching for him last five years. I can't, I can't handle this right now. -that's why I didn't want to tell you. I ruined your day. -no you didn't everything's fine, I'm fine. I'm walking down the aisle holding my dad's hand, who is happy for me, walking towards my man, who deserves everything, who never treated me wrong, who has never made me cry. But I was thinking about a boy who ruined me. It wasn't right. But it was my Danny and he was happy for me, what if he wanted to talk to me, what if he wanted to say something, what if he missed me. I decided I wanted to call him. I had to. I didn't deserve Jack, I'm a bad person, Jack deserves a whole heart and not the peace that survived Danny's love. I was running with my dream dress, I left behind my dream day, my dream wedding and my perfect man. I was already married woman, but I was running to call the boy who broke me for too many times.
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I still don't know why I did this. But I had no choice, for 5 years I thought Danny was dead. I wanted to hear his voice , I needed to. Sadly feelings don't leave when a person does, So I had to understand what was this feeling that ached my heart on my own wedding day. I went into my hotel room. Sat down on the bed. I was holding Larry's phone and was staring at Danny's number. It wasn't right but my heart was asking for it. I said out loud.
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-I'm sorry Jack, it's not cheating I swear. I dialed the number and waited patiently to hear the voice of my past life. -Danny's listening I wanted to say something, but I couldn't speak, I couldn't even breath. -Norry? is that you I don't know how, but he knew it was me.
