This is more so for me, bit pls enjoy it:)
Tw: talks of starving yourself, negative talk, and cutting talk
You lay on Buckys chest, in between his legs. His face is nuzzled into your neck, pressing light kisses every now and then as he rubs gentle circles on your stomach.
You guys aren't talking. You're enjoying the silence, taking time to think and soaking up each others presence.
"Bucky?" You call softly. He hums in response. "Do you ever cut?". Buckys hand movements stop. You didn't even have to look back to know the look on Buckys face.
After that question Buckys eyes go wide as he is shocked by your question. You've recently been getting your boyfriend of 2 years to open up more, maybe thats why you asked.
"No doll I don't. Why do you ask?". "I was just wondering.". "Oh well I don't.". "Did you ever? Like, in the past?".
"Sometimes in Hydra, but I quit.". "Thats good." You hum. You sit in silence for a few minutes, awkward yo Bucky, but comfortable for you.
"Does it hurt?" You whisper. "What
Doll?" He asked wanting to make sure he heard right.
"Does it hurt to like, ya know, cut?". "Sweetheart why are you asking?". "Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to overst-".
"No no. I don't care if you just want to know, but you seem to have a reason. Why do you truly want to know? Cause ill tell you whatever you want to know, I just- you seem off." Hes quick to call you out.
"Just wondering." You mumble. You go back into your silence for a few minutes until Bucky breaks it this time.
"Do you cut?". "No." You reply softly. "Have you ever?"."No" you whisper. "Have you ever thought about doing it?".
You remain silent for a few seconds trying to think of an answer. "No." You finally whisper.
"Why'd you hesitate?". "I didn't hesitate.". "Yes you did doll.". "I-". "Y/n." He cuts you off, grabbing your jaw to look at him.
"Dont lie to me. Have you ever thought about it or tried to do it?" He asks softly yet stern.
"Ya." You admit in a tiny voice. You hear Bucky let out a sad sigh. "Doll." He coos. "Why would you think of that?".
"I don't know. Everyone says it relieves the pain in your mind and I never actually tried I just i-".
"It doesn't relive the pain Y/n, it causes more pain. And people nowadays glorify it. Its not meant to be glorified. Don't ever think about it. And most definitely don't try it." .
"I've never tried cutting." You say suspiciously in Buckys eyes. "What have you tried?" He quirks an eyebrow.
"Forget it James.". "No Y/n, tell me. O won't judge, I promise.". "I've tried starving myself but it didn't work.".
"Why would you try starving yourself?". "I don't know i- I guess I don't like the way I look.".
"Like? Look? Neither of those are past tense doll. How long ago was this?" He catches on.
"Oh ya know... a long time ago." You trail off. "Exactly how long ago?". "2 weeks." You say so quietly you don't think he heard it.
"What was that?". You're right, he didn't hear. "2 weeks." You say a bit louder. "2 weeks ago?! Y/n, baby that's recent.".
"I know. I know. Its just my mental health changes so much in that time. I dotn understand it. 2 weeks ago I couldn't even look in the mirror without crying and now I think im the hottest person in all 9 realms!!".
"Y/n. Listen to me okay?".You nod your head yes and you lay your head back on Buckys chest.
"Your body is perfect. Please do not hurt it. And if you ever feel the urge to hurt it, talk to me. Not 2 weeks after the fact, talk to me while it's happening so I ca help. You don't need to make yourself look better. You can't hurt your body. Y'know why? Because you belong to me and I belong to you, so this, is my body too. And I don't want our body hurt. Its been through enough. So don't let any extreme dieting, or harmful actions hurt our beautiful body. If im ever not around, if im away on a mission and you get the need to do something, remember it's my body. You don't like hurting me, do ya?" He gives his speech while rubbing your stomach again.
"You don't need to change. Perfect is an illusion, because let's be honest, who's in charge of deciding if you're perfect or not? Cause I know for sure its not all these other insecure people. You decide if your perfect, and God made all things perfect, including you.".
(Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time.)
