Back To You [Completed] ✔

25. I watched her walk away

I set Ester in her bed and told her to rest which was hard since I set the ring her on finger. Her happiness and excitement surely made her pain disappear and it was satisfying to see her like that.

The doorbell rang, I tiptoed to not wake her up and opened the door.
Hazel

She looked like a mess, like she had been crying for hours she appeared broken. I caused this. I made her hope for something that I wasn't ready to give. I should have never let all of this happen.... let myself want her when I was already with someone else...lie to her so that she wouldn't change the way she looked at me... craved for her presence....reciprocated her feelings....walked on the path that I shouldn't have and then leave her alone in that path while taking shelter with someone else. It's hard to count things I shouldn't have done. All because...I can't think straight when it comes to Hazel.

Why are you here now? Please don't be here to say that you didn't do it, you didn't hurt Ester...because I'll believe you. Why is it so hard to hate you?

"Why are you here now Hazel? Defend yourself...that you didn't do it"

"I did it."     What?     "It doesn't matter whether it was a mistake Ester provoked me or I did it on purpose. What matters is...that I caused It." she gulped trying to suppress her tears. "I hate myself to be so blinded by what I hoped could be that I didn't see what I was losing...I was losing myself" Don't hate yourself for that Hazel...I know how it feels to love someone to such an extent that you cause things you never wanted to..... " loving you was always losing myself...but what's the point when I can't find my way back to you what's the point when you don't want your way back to me" maybe I want to...but it's too late and too complicated.

"We're engaged" I blurted out. So that she gets mad and hates me and leaves...so that this goes back to being less complicated.

She smiled "Good. Good luck with your life ahead Ed. I'm leaving" I didn't say a word. I just looked at her. Because this was the last time I was looking at her.
She is leaving my life.
She stood there for seconds and then moved forward, put her hands around my neck with her forehead against mine. "I love you, Ed. A part of me always did and ...and I guess...a part of me always will," she whispered. I wanted that moment to freeze. I wanted to tell her the same. She looked into my eyes and she knew...she knew what I wanted to say and that was enough for her to walk away. She whirled around and began walking away.

Ester is your future. She is your past. Nothing good ever came out when we were together Let her go.

She didn't turn towards me when she said "I've done that ...looking into someone's eyes and telling them you love them...while your heart belongs somewhere else. I've done that. It ends up badly...especially for them."

I watched her walk away.