I'm nervous and scared. I'm visiting with my mother today. Ke'Andre is here also. I don't know how to feel. I have to tell her about me and Ke'Andre. Some how I think this is my fault. I should of never messed with Ke'Andre. But I couldn't help it. He kept pulling me in and finally I fell in love. I was going to give Darian a chance but that's out the window. I don't know how he's going to feel towards me once he founds out I'm pregnant. I don't know how my mom is going to feel. Sometimes I wish I could go back and change what happened. Then sometimes I don't. " Baby where you at?" I hear Ke'Andre say. I get up and walk towards him. " I'm in the living room Papí." I say to him. This man looks so damn fine. I need him all in me. Lemme stop. That's why I'm pregnant in the first place. " You ready?" He asks me. I nod my head at him. Deep down inside I know I wasn't prepared for what was going to happen. Ke'Andre gets the keys and locks up the house. We head out to the car and head towards the jail. As we are driving Ke'Andre says, " Are you ready for the backlash?" He questioned. I just look down. I feel the guilt running through my body. " No I'm not. I don't know how to tell my mom that I was fucking her man. Not only do I have to say that. I have to tell her I'm pregnant." I tell him. " I don't think it's a good idea. Im still underage and she might say you raped me." I add on. Ke'Andre shakes his head and continues to drive. We arrive at the prison. They arrive and check in. Goddess gets nervous when she sees her mom coming towards them. Kelly sits down and mugs both of them. " Why is he here?" She asks Goddess. " I needed someone to bring me Mom." I say to her. She rolls her eyes. I just sigh. " Why did you beat me?" I questioned her. I see her start to tense up." Do we have to do this?" She asks. I see Ke'Andre getting upset. I put my hand on his thigh to calm him down. I don't need him getting arrested for acting up. " I just want to know what happened to the mom that I use to know." I say. She just gives me a blank look. " Nothing happened to me." She said. I just roll my eyes. " Why would you beat me mom? Why would you let him do that?" I raise my voice at her. She drops her bead. " I was falling in love with the drugs. I meant to do it only one time. But I kept craving it. I fell in love with meth. Then everything went downhill. I thought if I got with Ke'Andre everything would go back to normal. But it didn't. I still wanted more drugs and I still do till this day." She spats at me. " I just shake my head at her. I guess she has no hope. " Why would you do drugs in the first place?" I ask her. " You" she replied. I scrunch my face up and look at her. " Wtf did I do? To deserve to get my ass beat." I yell at her. The guard comes over and tells me settle down. " I should of had a normal child. Not damn freak who couldn't decide if they wanted to be a girl or a boy." She tells me. I feel the tears hitting my eyes. Ke'Andre grabs my hand and rubs it. " Why tf are you touching it like that?" She questions him. " Don't fucking speak on her." He snaps. She looks back at me when she notices my belly. " Look the lil whore is pregnant. Do you even know who the daddy is?" She laughs. Finally the tears just came rolling out. Why is she treating me this way? I thought she loved me. Where did my loving mother go too? I stand up and leave. Ke'Andre follows me out. I run to the truck and just breakdown. Ke'Andre is rubbing my back and telling me to calm down. " Baby please relax. Think about the baby. You don't need to be stressing like this." He says to me. I know he's right. I just can't believe she hates me. I thought she accepted me for who I am. Everything she's ever said to me was a lie. She never loved me. " Please let's go" I say to him. He starts the car and we head home. The car ride was silent. I didn't feel like talking and I damn for sure didn't want to hear anyone say shit to me. I'm going to love my baby no matter what. Kids deserve to be loved by their parents. I'm going to give my baby the world and then some. I don't see how people can abandon their offspring. Sometimes I wish my mom never got involved with Ke'Andre. Then I wouldn't be in the situation that I'm in. Maybe I'd have my old life back. I never knew my mother was taking drugs to cope. If I did I would have helped her. I wouldn't have let it get this far. I should of never spread my legs for him. But I can't take it back. I did what I did. Now I have to live with it. I know my mother hurt me in more one ways than one. I still pray that she might find peace and comfort from within. You probably wondering why I chose to forgive her. I forgave her for myself and my child. I don't want to live holding a grudge. In the end it only effects me. She could careless about me hating her. I pray for peace and guidance for myself. I got this and I won't let anyone stop me.
