𝐌𝐲 𝐒𝐢𝐧 ✔️

11: Too fucking heavy

Trigger warning: sexual assault, drugs
Elyse POV

"You want some?" Tyler extends his hand with the cigarette to me. I take it. I take a few puffs. Tyler brought me to his friends house. Apparently his name's Jackson. He gave me some Xanax- said and I quote "chill you out"- whatever that fucking meant. To be honest I really didn't care what it was. As long as it made me calm and Careless I didn't care. And that's how I felt right now. High as shit on those god sent pills. Thank you, god.

"Where's your bathroom?" I asked Jackson. "Up stairs third door to the left." I nodded and walked to the bathroom.

I was washing my hands when I heard a knock on the door. I opened it ready to step out, but Tyler pushed me back in. He came in and and locked the door. "What are you doing?" I took a few steps back. "You look so beautiful, Elyse." He came closer to me backing me up against the wall. Fear quickly overtook my mind.

He grabbed my neck as he smashed his lips against mine. I put my hands on his chest trying to push him off, Turning my head to the side so he couldn't kiss me anymore. He grabbed my chin making me look at him. His eyes were filled with lust. He slapped me, making me gasp and hold my cheeks.

"Stop resisting my love, Elyse." He said as he ripped my shirt making my breasts drop out as I wore no bra today. Panic flooded through me as I violently thrashed against his hold on me. Tears falling down my face turned into sobs. The effect of the pills were now long gone.

He held my wrists in one hand restraining it above my head. He nuzzled his face into my neck and started kissing and sucking on it. "No stop. Please Tyler stop." He put his other hand on the waist band of my sweatpants and tried to pull them down while kissing lower on my breasts. "Stop it Tyler. Please no. If you love me stop. Stop it I beg you. I'll hate you if you do this. Please just stop."

As if something snapped in him, he finally let me go. I dropped to the ground and curled up trying to cover myself up. I was still sobbing. My chest felt heavy. Too fucking heavy. Too god damn heavy for me to carry anymore.

"Shit. Elyse I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't hate me. You're right I should give you more time to accept your love for me."

'I DONT FUCKING LOVE YOU.' I wanted to yell. But I just didn't have the energy.

He picked me off the floor laying me on the wall. I put my hands over my chest to cover myself up, suddenly feeling disgusting. He took his hoodie off and put it on me.

"Take me home." He looked at me reluctantly. His eyes were filled with tears. It really scared me how fast his emotions could change. "I'm sorry, Elyse. I didn't realize I was hurting you. I just wanted to prove to you that you're mine. I wanted to prove my love. I'll give you more time. I promise, baby." He said. "Just take me home. Please."

Sitting in his car, Tyler kept looking over to my while driving. "Here." He said, extending his arm with 2 little bags with pills in it. "Let me know if you need more." This was his way of telling me he 'loves' me. I internally scoffed at the thought but took the pills from his hand. I opened one bag and took two pills, swallowing it dry. "Use it carefully, Elyse." He said using a strict tone. I just ignored him.

I walked in the house and thank fully my dad wasn't there. I don't think I could've handled that. I don't think I can handle anymore. Getting abused, losing sin, the shit going with Tyler, and now almost getting raped. Yeah.. that's it I can't handle anymore. One more thing and I'm gonna completely break.

I laid down on the floor taking one more pill. I closed my eyes letting the effects wash over me. I felt empty. Even though my chest felt heavy I couldn't feel anything. It's like when shit gets too much that your mind blocks it out.