Little Flower

Chapter 10: Pain or Not

MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING.
MENTION OF VERY DISCRIPTIVE SELF HARM AND SUICIDE SCENE.
PLEASE REFRAIN FROM READING IF YOU FEEL TRIGGERED. I REQUEST AGAIN PLEASE IT IS VERY DESCRIPTIVE

Please do not continue if you're uncomfortable

I took a plate and filled it with the breakfast I usually see Wyatt having. I asked a maid and she told me he was in the gym. I was hesitant. Very hesitant.

But in order to build a life here and not having to go back to mom, I had to clean up our misunderstandings. I opened the gym and saw him staring outside the window. He didn't notice my presence.

"Wyatt." I called out in a nearly audible voice but he catches it.

"What're you doing here? Ran out of things to go snitch about?" He said with a grunt.

"I didn't tell Arthur anything. Not even before." I tried to reason with.

"Please." He said with a laugh.

"I brought you food." I said.

"You sure you didn't poison it." That hurt.

"Wyatt why would I do that? I just want us to be like a family."

"You'll never be my family." He said turning around.

"Wyatt please. I really want us to be on good terms. I don't want to create anymore problems for anyone."

"Oh you aren't creating any problems. You ARE the problem. Since the day you walked in with your so called goody two shoes attitude, everything went wrong. Don't you get it in the tiny little head of yours that you don't belong here. First you took away my mother and now you're after my brothers. They can get fooled by your tactics but I won't. So get out of my face now." I had tears in my eyes. I wish I knew how to steal peopled love. Then my life would've been easier.

"Tell me how can I fix it?" I asked as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Oh you wanna fix yourself. People like you are build like this. They cannot be fixed. The only way you can fix is by doing us a favour and go kill yourself!" He shouted.

My hands left the plate I was holding and banged on the hard floor.

I saw his expression change. As if he regretted what he said. He took a step forward and I took one back. Before he could do or say anything else, I left. I ran and ran. Till my feet brought me in the confines of my own room.

My shaky hands locked the door from inside. Voices started filling my head.

"You whore! Why didn't you just die!"

"God she's pathetic."

"Gold digging whore."

"She bothers me just by breathing."

"You ruined everything!"

"You are the problem."

"Just die!"

"And kill yourself."

My mother and my brothers combined. I pulled my hair to the point my scalp burned. But they kept on getting louder and louder.

I'm tired now. I'm so tired. I just want peace and calm. I don't want love. I want nothing. Just peace. Liberation from hell. I want to be free.

And I'll set myself free. I walked towards my desk and fumbled for the first aid box. The box that had a pair of scissors. After frantically throwing around the other useless contents of the box I finally saw them.

Thin and lightweight. Sharp like a surgeon's instrument. The silver sparkled in my eyes, as if it was the only ornament made for me. Maybe it is. This would've happened sooner or later.

But it's better than dieing in that small 300 sqft apartment where my body would rot and no-one would bother. At least I'll get a burial here. Will I look pretty on my funeral? Will they put me in a nice dress? I think no one would come to see. No one would visit my grave too.

Maybe my fate is written this way. I was born alone, I lived alone, I'm dieing alone and after my death too I'll be alone.

I clenched my fist around the scissor. And without thinking anything else, I jabbed them in my wrist. Blood trickled down drop by drop on the beautiful rug below my feet. It was as if time stopped in that moment.

I could feel my heartbeat getting uneven. I could feel the blood rushing. But surprisingly no pain came. I waited for it. Anticipated for it. But it didn't. As if God saved me from pain in this very last moment. As if he made it easier for me. As if he granted me freedom from the pain of death in exchange of all the pain I endured in my life time.

I could feel my legs give up. I sat on the bed as my hand laid limp on my side. The dark crimson slowly seeped in the white Egyptian cotton sheets. Next I felt my head lite, so I laid down on the bed.

It was as if everything was going so slow. It was happening to slow. I imagined it to be fast and last for a minute but it didn't. It's long and slow.

The beeping in my ear was now replaced with a voice.

"You bastard! What did you say to her?"

"I didn't mean it."

Soon someone started pounding on my door. No. I won't let anyone stop me. Not after being so close.

I ignored it and closed my eyes. I felt the last of my blood draining along with my life. No sound, no sight reached me anymore. It was over.

And now... Nothing.