Twilight Agonies
The sound of dying crickets rings in my ear
They're loud, but not as loud as the voices
Instead of falling in a deep slumber
I'm wide awake in the middle of this freezing night
As if even Hypnos himself is reluctant to be felt
Unanswerable questions are my only companion
Why won't sleep take me away from this void?
I'm staring at my starry ceiling
Hoping I might think of something
Zero answers, just the crickets' tune in the background
Nothing I can do but sigh and crouch on my bed
Confusing thoughts are eating me
Guilt and fear are doing the same
I don't know to express it
I can't even trust these lips to utter a word
Maybe my pen will just have to do the work
I know I'm a coward
I don't know how to say the words
Or why I cannot say it
But maybe... just maybe
Maybe I'm afraid that if I do,
It won't be the kind of feeling I'm expecting
I'm afraid the words will lose its meaning
I have many excuses
Still, none of it will matter
In the end, I'm still gonna hurt you
It's an unavoidable threat
Since we started this crusade
They say, we'll make it work if we want to
Perhaps that's the problem
We're not on the same page
And I take the blame
I'm sorry, I'm not yet ready
I don't know when will I ever be
I'm sorry for the pain
I'm sorry if I came back just to leave again
However, please do not think I lied
I truly care for you
Just maybe not enough for me to hold on
In this chapter
I might have to say goodbye
Even though you've waited long enough
I'm not gonna tell you I'll leave just to find myself
I already found me
It's the feelings that I lost
Something I cannot take back
