𝐇𝐁𝐎'𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍..
A Romanian saying goes somewhere along these lines: "you know your real friend when you need them most"; between questions of morality, the adulthood conglomeration of shit decisions...
We talked about masks, about people, about the importance of aspects which few are brave enough to see. But what would be a research on life without finally debating the purpose of it?
Why?
Is there no purpose to the suffering? Do we just get through worse in worse without a reason? Are we just headless chicken on a merry-go-round, praying blindly to the simulated sky that we are broken free from our destructive habits?
I can't speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself when I admit my purpose has been a problematic topic tackled throughout my now, 42 years on this planet. Thinking of a greater purpose was not a constant though, because my goals changed a lot more than I would like to admit. Sometimes, I just wanted to escape, other times, I wanted to learn more about myself or simply let go and give in to the darker desires, while I am still alive.
There were dark times and I have seen enough to know it will always be a promise of danger on my horizon, but the purpose of my life no longer bothers me these days. I still change masks, I still fake a few smiles when I do my grocery shopping or walk around the block, but the pending pressure to be perfect is not a guillotine over my head.
Truth be told, things have been in the process of changing for years now and only when I accepted the inevitability of the motion I realized I already escaped the game I was laid ahead by others. I didn't become a professional swimmer, I became a coach for a while, hated by the children I yelled at. I didn't get recognized by critiques for my poems, but my poems did start getting used in theater classes quite a bit. And I didn't give in to anger, at least no fully, because there is so much more layer to my life onion than that.
So there you have it. The purpose. The reason behind this research. I sought realism and I found it in the most unexpected, expected way I secretly have always wished for.
The purpose of life is not to be special to the world; it's to find the world you are special in.
"I like that," Barry's hoarse voice hummed on Addie's shoulder, right into her ear. Her hands had just typed in the last period under his flickering to blurriness gaze. It was late at night and the puffy covers were warming their embrace up, despite the partial nakedness they also concealed.
His left hand was warming up a comforting feeling on her abdomen, also acting as a stop to the laptop in her lap. Adelaide saved the document while approving of Barry's half asleep taste. She too, for once, liked her ending. Addie closed the laptop and earned the attention of her husband who, aggravated, forgot about the arm behind her back and attempted to sit up only to ultimately be defeated by physics and fall back on the pillow.
"W-why did you stop?" Barry stuttered. Adelaide has released his arm from behind her, getting the laptop out of their bed and on the nightstand instead. She returned to her seat to patiently admire how her hair man was all mushed in the need to sleep, yet still tried to force his eyes open and wide, to care for her.
"Well," she smiled, taking the news slower on him, "that's sort of what happens when you finish the book."
"That was it?" Barry was wide awake and started to get the excitement rush. "That was the ending? The real ending?"
"It's not the best, but I'm not trying to be perfect anymore...," her little moment of sarcastic humbleness was muffled into silence by Barry's lips. He hasn't shaved the beard off in a week, so little hairs on his chin have tickled an extra sensation on her skin, that Adelaide has grown so accustomed to, much like drowning back into the safety of their home.
"I'm so proud of you," he breathed out and their heaven warmth transported a wrinkled laugh, clink of bells into the night. Barry was over her, cautious, but not scared, because the safety she rejoiced in by being there with him was a mirror of the feeling of peace he had discovered. So the white hairs were no longer stress subjected, but rather the inevitable wheel of time turning slower.
"I meant it, you know," Adelaide gazed into the blue of his eyes. Her soft hands trailed to the back of his neck, tickling the slightest. Barry turned his head to the side and lightly pecked her inner wrist, just to return the gentle favor of knowing each other's ticklish spots.
"What?"
"The world thing," she mused back, quieter so his attention diverged back fully to her and her carefully crafted words. Barry noticed, once again grateful, how her hair had auburn tones, waves framing her features. "I found the world I am special in," Addie continued, the hand whose wrist got tickled, lowering to hold his face. You.
"It's a talent how you can still fluster me after so much time-"
Adelaide playfully pushed Barry's face away from her, getting him to laugh in his victory. "It's only been two years, you asshole, don't make it sound like we're already grandparents when we didn't even have the plan completed for our first kid."
She may have acted mad, but when Barry fell beside her in the bed, they both ended up laughing. Those same laughs were cut short by the shattering sound somewhere in their apartment, an improvement from the shared place he had and the shoebox she got stuck in for so long. That sound was not supposed to be there and without even a single word, both Addie and Barry got out of the bed on her side, planned so that he can cover her escape if needed.
"You stay here," Barry's voice dropped an octave into seriousness, much like his eyebrows fell into a glare, clipping off the safety of his gun, taken from under the bed and given to him by Addie. The past was buried, but they were old enough to know some things were better off not leaving their routine.
"As if I would ever listen to that," Addie took the bat from behind her nightstand and kissed Barry's cheek in hopes of silencing his next comment. He didn't comment though, he just smiled and glanced at the open door of their bedroom, leading to a dark apartment. Barry reached his hand behind Addie and turned off her beside lamp.
"Let's go."
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You have read "Research" Thank you for that !
I hope you enjoyed the reality in which Barry ends up happy, a reality in which he found someone like him, like Addie, and they cared enough about each other to work through their issues patiently.
I cannot help but wish that to everyone. Find that person. Find the world you are special too; no matter how long it takes, I hope you find too the peace and safety this books means to me.
