A/N: This poem is pretty abstract so for those of you who wouldn't understand, it is coming-of-age and it is about the obligations, experiences and influences that a person goes through in their entire llife, their change, from innocence to comprehension and acceptance of the real, flawed and uncharacteristic world. A person who is misunderstood and is treated the way they aren't, who is constantly mistaken, and finally, they realise the tempering done to them, and they return to their original, oblivious, innocent form.
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First they tell us to feel what we want to,
Then they give me conditions.
After, they give me options and choices,
Then, they cull for suggestions.
I am a rag doll, I suppose.
Who is supposed to be played with, by little kids.
I am a pressure cooker I suppose,
Who can be pressurized no end, but in agitation, cannot scream off her lid.
I have been told to trust, to love.
I have been told, not to follow what others feel,
Well, then again I've been told to keep my distance,
Also, later, I've been told to heed.
Then I've been left to figure out what is right,
Right, among all that you said, or say.
But how can I do that when you don't tell me what is right or wrong?
How can you give me something empty to weigh?
Well, "That's just how life works."
Care to explain, whether life is a person, a process or a supernatural power?
Because it seems like I'd have to find my way even when
Different people's contradicting pieces of advice continue to hover.
What do you expect, of me to do?
In my brain are you tryig to grow a tumor?
Or maybe, you want me to turn into a welcomer of your sycophancy?
Or incessantly hurl obsequious laughs at your non-existent sense of humour?
You always think, I have ulterior motives,
When I say something, you look for another ambiguous and accusing meaning,
And when I refuse to admit that I meant something else,
You'd suspect me of lying and make me undergo visual screening.
Can't I just say what I mean,
And do what I want to without worrying?
I want to be true to myself,
And savor precious moments, without hurrying.
When I'm dreaming, just let me be in the pleasant fantasy,
At least I am being pulled away from reality,
Is this what it's like, to stay yourself in a selfish world,
Then why were we even born this way, if other people were meant to change us all?
Tell me one thing to follow,
If not, then don't at the least make them all confusing,
I would like to be myself and stay myself,
Because making me dance to your commands and wishes, is surely not amusing.
I don't understand why you have to be so complex and malicious,
Why can't you just keep to yourself?
Are you that weak, to let your vindictive mind govern you,
Give me a reason for why you can't show even your bare personality and soul.
You tell me that this is natural,
Then you tell me it's wrong to feel this way,
You tell me that I can trust you,
But you say, "I can't assure you that in your life, I will stay."
You tell me to be happy, but not too much for the fear of it all to crash,
You say it's okay to be sad, but when I am, you frown and lash.
What is this confusion, what should I do?
Is there a way out, or am I forever stuck in this whirlpool?
I want to be free, and they leave the choice to me,
But while I am being free, they establish confinements and limits.
I need to breathe, I need to escape,
Because that seems like the only way, for me to be unshackled and safe.
