kind regards | womanxgirl |

twenty one | its the leaving that hard

From the corner of the pillar, Ivy stood idly, her tears beginning to seep through the sleeve of her jumper as she silently cried, still listening to their conversation from a distance. 

"My flight is in a couple of days time. Give her some time to think about what she wants."

At the cost of his presence, Paolo had tried his best in keeping the family together. He defended Ivy for a reason. A reason in which reminded him of his younger self. How naive he acted once he found someone to love.

Paolo was a helpless romantic in his time. And still, he still believed that love will never be a burden. Though his image of marriage was not fulfilled, it didn't stop him from supporting his children and their romantic endeavours, even if thousands of miles separated them.

So to see that Ivy found someone, melted his heart. Of course, he didn't expect a major difference in both the women's age, and that did scare him. However, he knew his daughter. 

And he knew Ivy wasn't one for falling in love.

His youngest child always reminded Paolo of himself - the mischief and all - and it broke his heart knowing that both of his children had to see the hardships love could harbour, a type of love that shouldn't be so cruel.

When he had heard the news, he didn't feel anger nor disappointment. Instead, he felt as proud.

Proud to know that in her life, she found someone to love her as she deserved. The lack of compassion in her life brought her to a dark place of transgression and alcohol, and he knew what it felt like. To know that someone brought her out of the lifestyle, it made him smile.

• • • • • •

The air thickened as Ivy locked eyes with her lover as she approached the requested meeting spot. The evening setting was secluded from the penthouse, suitable for the solitude that the couple lacked.

Both women knew better than to keep their feelings hidden from each other. So when Ivy had told Blake what she had overheard that evening, the older woman knew it was her turn to evaluate her thoughts on their relationship.

"... After all this, I still don't regret anything," Ivy concluded, her eyes fixated on the water ahead of them. "I still want this."

"Ivy, you seriously expect us to continue what we have after all of this? I've stopped contacting you for a reason. I'm protecting you from something you regret." Blake defended in an awfully calming voice - which ended up scarring Ivy than relaxing her. "I shouldn't have come-"

"-But you did, and that means something." 

"It just means that I'm stupid to think that you would understand our circumstances." Blake gathered as she began to walk away from Ivy.

Halting her movements, Ivy held her lover's wrist abruptly. "You said you wouldn't treat me like a kid."

"Well then fucking grow up, Ivy... We can't win." Blake spat. Her judgement was now clouded with her emotions, and at this point, she just wanted a happy ending, but not at the price of her heart.

"Bullshit. Admit that you're giving up on me."

Blake's eyes widened at the statement as Ivy's grip loosened. "I'm letting you go, Ivy. I'm freeing you from whatever commitment you needed gone. What don't you understand about that-"

"-I love you, Blake... So don't fucking let go of me." Ivy pleaded, hesitant in looking away from her lover who stood there dumbfounded. A part of herself regretted saying what she felt, even if it meant anything to the woman who stood before her, a small gap separating them from love or guilt.

"I'm at my breaking point, Blake. You're the only thing keeping me sane, the only thing I have left here. If you walk away now, then it's over."

Ivy had stepped forward to interlock her hands with Blake, pulling her closer. "Tell me you want this." She whispered as she connected their foreheads, her voice barely audible.

Just for a moment, Blake had felt as if nothing mattered - as if Ivy was all that mattered to her - but in reality, she really didn't. Blake was confused and stuck on whether she should fight or give up - a choice which she couldn't see the silver lining and the other opted as the easiest way to ease both the women's pain at the moment.

They were meant for each other, but not now. Blake saw this, but she knew Ivy would be too stubborn to realise. So instead, she made her see at the cost of their relationship.

A final kiss was exchanged between the two, passionate and fervent as ever before Blake displayed guilty eyes. "Then I guess I'm walking away."

"I don't understand." The teenager spoke, hiding her desperation behind closed eyes.

"I don't want you to leave, but as of right now, you need to. I know you don't see it as a silver lining, but you'll understand, Ivy. I promise you that."

And with that, Blake was the first to walk away, her head hanging low as she sped off without another look, leaving Ivy a crying mess. Her decision meant something to Ivy, in both positive and negative ways. But at this point, all she wanted was a mended heart, a heart that belonged to Blake. 

She told Blake she loved her, and yet, it still didn't make a difference. 

• • • • • •