SETTING FIRES

FRIEND

As an only child, I was always used to being alone, to having freedom of doing the things I want to do with no one to contradict me with. Though I didn't have siblings to share my triumphs and sorrows with, I had always feel contented and happy with my life. I was happy of my 'aloneness' and has always love my independence. So when I woke up one morning feeling so down not finding Duke in my bedside even after finding a note saying he went to see his friends for lunch, I know for sure that I was in for deep.

Back when I was in a relationship with Tristan, a fellow model and the very reason why I was having this unconventional set up with Duke, I never did felt down whenever things like this happens. Somehow, it made me feel relieved that he was not there the morning after, since I don't have to answer his questions on how I'm feeling or to have to share a cup of coffee with him and just talk about how the weather's so hot today, you know just the little things. But when it comes to Duke, a part of me wishes to still find him lying beside me the next day. I see myself watching him eating breakfast I've made, then after, we'll sit in the living room, not really watching TV but cuddling each other and just talk about his love for arts as well as how I'm learning to perfect playing Symphony No. 5.

Don't get me wrong, I was in love with Tristan when we were together. I wouldn't cry over him if I didn't. It's just that I was never clingy to him. My emotions didn't depend on him. Sure he makes me happy, and whenever we have an argument, I would be mad but I wouldn't be sitting depressingly in a coffee shop thinking of ways to made up with him. That is not the case with Duke. A simple no reply from him makes me gaga.

All of this crazy ideas and emotions I feel for him frustrates me. It scares the shit out of me. What we have is no relationship. So I convinced myself that whatever feelings I am feeling for him is just a product of the after s*x. The low feeling after a high. That it was not something serious to begin with. After all, friends with benefits, that's just what we are.

The clock on my bedside table indicates that it is already 4pm. An hour to go before our ZBN models meeting. An hour to go till I'll see his face again.

I dragged myself to the bathroom to have a quick shower before I go. As the water drips on my body, thoughts of Duke came over me again. I shrug it off by turning the shower on high hoping that the water will wash away all of this thoughts and feelings I have for him. I hurried when I heard my phone ringing outside, it must be my manager reminding me not to be late for the meeting.

Being around with friends always lightens up my day. I have been busy with my acting career as well as with commercials these past months that it barely gave me time to be with them. So being here right now in the ZBN meeting room catching up with them before the meeting starts, just makes me really happy. I was busy chatting with the gang when I suddenly looked up from my sit and there I saw Duke who has just entered the room. It is really true what they say that we are always conscious of the movements of the person we love. An invisible connection. I was about to look away when he saw me and gave me a smile. I almost choked since it gave a tiny leap in my heart. I nod and smiled back.

He was about to head towards me when Rob called him. I had a sigh of relief, thanking Rob in my mind for giving me time to compose myself before facing Duke.

An hour after, the meeting ended and some are already heading out of the room while others are planning to hang out in a bar to further catch up with each other. I was looking for my phone inside my bag when I've felt a nudge at my side. I looked up and saw him standing, giving me his precious boyish smile. He sat down at the chair next to me and I could already feel the butterflies inside my stomach.
Just a little proximity and I couldn't seem to take it. I know, I am pathetic.

Duke leaned closer, "Hey you didn't reply to my message." He whispered while taking my hand and caressed it. I jerked up by the contact of our skin. I tried to act normal as possible.
"Oh, I forgot to reply" I said. He interlocked our hands and it gave me so much electricity that my soul almost got out of my body. It took me a minute to finally compose myself. I let go of his hands which gave him a knot on his forehead indicating he isn't liking what I've just done.

"There are people here Duke." I explained.

"But they are too busy to even notice." he said, "I missed you..." He continued while looking intently in my eyes, making me feel like I'm the only one that matters.
I almost believe it. But I reminded myself that he just wants to have sex with me, no emotions involved, just s*x, no more, no less.

Moments later, I heard Sue, a close friend, called our attention, "Macy...Duke, the gang is going to hangout, are you coming?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure I'll go with you..." I abruptly replied. I felt Duke nudging me and when I looked up, I saw confusion in his beautiful orbs. I didn't know what have gotten into me when I said that. Before going here I have decided to talk to him, but you know what they say, sometimes you just have to prolong the agony.

I am not ready still. Actually, am I ever going to be ready to end whatever set up we have?

"How about you Duke?" Sue questioned again.

"I'll go.." he simply replied and I could hear annoyance in his voice.

"We will just meet you there Sue. I didn't brought my car today. I'll just have a ride with Macy. Is it okay?" he continued while looking at me. His voice is calm but his eyes' makes me shiver for it has so much disappointment in them. I heard Sue telling us the bar's name before she went out with the others. When we are finally alone in the room, Duke asked me, "What was that?"

"It has been awhile since we've hang out with them..." I replied...

"We had agreed to see each other tonight..."
"I didn't agree..." I replied, almost in a whisper....

"Is something wrong Macy?" he asked, grabbing my face, making me face him... I calmed myself even more, looked directly into his eyes, smiling. I acted cool. I am an actress after all.

"No, nothing. I just want to hang out with them, that's just it.." I replied.

"Fine let's go there, but let's leave after an hour, okay?" he said, still looking directly at me. It's as if he's reading every thought I have in my mind. It took all of my will power not to spill every thoughts I have. "I planned to hang out with them till morning...." I said.

"What???? Macy, we haven't seen in each other for two weeks now, I miss you so bad, Don't you miss me..." I almost kiss him after he said that. Thank goodness I am still sitting 'cause if not, I would have collapsed since I could feel my knees trembling.

"Let me remind you Duke, I am not your girlfriend. " I told him before I stood up and walked towards the door... "Are you coming or not?" I said not bothering to look back....

While walking towards the parking lot, I heard him say "Thank you for that reminder.." I didn't even bother to look at him but I know that by this time, he surely is mad. Why would he get mad? It is true that we are not together, so why the fuzz? It is better this way rather than having false hopes. He doesn't love me, simple as that. I am but a friend who he could kiss, hug, and fool around with. Only a friend.