art of desire | h. rindou

Chapter 1

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Chapter 1
The Darkness
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Dark. It's too dark. How to reach the light? Can I reach the light? Why wouldn't I die? What am I doing in this life? So many things that that discarded me, so many people that wish me to vanish. God, kill me. Don't let me live any longer. I'm such a burden. Not just to mother, but to the whole universe.

"Y/N!"

The voice rings across her. But as if she's falling into the deep darkness of the sea, she can't hear it clearly. All she can hear is their voice calling for her in desperation. Desperation— for what? Why do they even need her? Y/N stands there, stun like a long stone being placed on the ground.

Then a painful pang hits her cheeks, causing her soul to go whammy. "What the hell do you think you are doing?!" A mad shout scolds her, Y/N blinks rapidly trying to regain all the consciousness and attention. What am I doing? I'm conducting an operation.

"I-I'm sorry, Doctor Ishida."

She raises her hand, slightly slaps her cheek. "What are you doing? You're dealing with a patient's life right now!" Y/N shakes her head, clenching on the surgical instrument she's holding. "I'm truly sorry." Is that what I can only do? Keep apologising?

Doctor Ishida sharply glares at the woman surgeon by the corner of his eyes before moving his attention on the patient again. "Meet me after this ends." Y/N holds her chin up, glancing at the male before nodding. Taking a deep breath, Y/N stares at the patient and starts to operate.

"Focus, baby."

Y/N's eyebrows furrow upon the nickname that Doctor Ishida uses to call her. Ishida, a 26 years old surgeon with full experience, 2 years age gap with Y/N, a man with wavy black hair and average height. Nothing's to do with romance tension here, Ishida uses to call Y/N by flirty nicknames as they are close to each other.

"I'm trying my best." Her mind is wandering somewhere else. Something catches her off guard. Something's playing in her mind. Mother. They had a fierce quarrel yesterday when Y/N visited her psychiatric unit. And she treated her as usual. Her mother threw a vase at her, causing slight cuts on her skin. Y/N asked the management to remove all the things that might cause injury in that room, so her mother can't let go of her anger by throwing, smashing and breaking them.

Instead, Y/N even paid more, looking for the great estimator to treat her mom well. She wants her mother. She wants her mother to treat her well and at the same time living with a peaceful daughter-and-mother bond together. But that seems to be impossible. But it also has a bit of possibility in it.

Hours by hours, Y/N and other surgeons spend time in the operating room. After 13 hours of fatigueness, all of them fell to their knees. Some of them are lying on the floor, some of them are leaning against the wall. The big project has finally ended. And it's a big relief for all the surgeons. They've worked so hard. Sweating, forcing themselves to pay full attention and standing for hours. This career is exhausting.

"Y/N. Let's go."

Ishida speaks, glancing at the female before leaving his presence out of the room. Sighing, Y/N uses the small amount of the strength that she has to stand up and follows him from behind. They walk by each other's sides, heading to the sink to wash their dirty hands, making sure it's perfectly cleaned.

Grabbing some tissues, they both dry their hands out before continuing to make their way to Ishida's office. In such a gentlemanly way, the male opens the door with his arm, letting Y/N enter first. Nodding in a thank you, Y/N sits on the patient seat with her head falling to the back. Her eyes are closed, the flow of her breath goes at a slow pace.