Pie In The Sky》SaTzu✔

chapter 12: home-made

Tzuyu's little house in FanFare is small but cozy. It's not fully lived-in yet, but there's a rocking chair on the wraparound porch Sana loves to sit in while she nurses when it's not too cold. Tzuyu brings her tea or cocoa and they look out at the thinning sycamores and piles of crunchy leaves underneath.

It's quiet most of the time, and Sana is alone during the day. But when Tzuyu is home and they're craving conversation, it's deep and heavy.

Tzuyu tells Sana about her wife. She shows her pictures and talks about their romance and wedding and honeymoon, how she watched her go from the vivacious, healthy girl she married to a sickly, dying woman. She talks about the funeral and her decision to move away and start fresh, foolishly thinking it might help her forget. Sometimes Tzuyu cries, but mostly Sana feels Tzuyu letting her deeper into her heart.

Sana tells Tzuyu all about Chad: the naive, hopeful beginning, how he wooed her with his guitar and promises and old-fashioned charm. She tells her about the tragedies that hit them both, the losses they suffered, and the bruised and battered details that make Tzuyu weep and curse herself for not detecting. Sana feels numb about it most of the time. She almost can't believe she never has to see him again.

As Penelope's skin pinks and her eyes open more and more, Sana falls deeper and deeper in love. There are so many things about motherhood she never imagined: the soft sleepy grunts and sighs as Penelope rolls through sleep and waking, the sudden twitching of her tiny limbs and the crossing of her untrained eyes, the soft, quick puff of her breath in sleep, the smell of her head, the gradual focusing of her wondering gaze on Sana's face. Sana loves every little thing about her. Even her cries, even her multiple wakings during the night, even her messy diapers.

Sana has endless questions. She feels foolish for not reading about how to care for newborns while she was pregnant, and is desperate to make up for it. Tzuyu answers some of her questions, but is careful to point Sana to her new doctor when appropriate. Mostly Tzuyu soothes Sana's nerves and assures her she's doing just fine.

There's never a question that Penelope is Sana's baby. Tzuyu asks before picking her up or trying a new way of soothing her. She is so gentle and respectful, Sana is almost unsettled. Sana knows she made the right choice by accepting Tzuyu's offer. She appreciates the care and support Tzuyu gives her as she heals and adjusts to being a mother and starts the divorce proceedings.

Chad signs papers and divides their few belongings as though he doesn't care. Sana offers him the house in exchange for surrendering parental rights to Penelope, and he accepts without hesitation. He doesn't inquire about her health or ask to see the baby. He seems eager to be done with both of them. Sana supposes it's his pride; everyone in Myeongdong knows why they're divorcing, and the sooner he can detach from her, the sooner he can pretend he isn't the man who hit his wife. Or maybe it's his remorse; she's seen enough hints of it to know it's there somewhere. In his heart, he doesn't want to hurt her. Maybe he finally let that part of him win.

Tzuyu is suspicious, accompanying Sana to get clothing, baby furniture, and a few sentimental objects while Chad is working. Tzuyu says she wants to see Chad burn; Sana wouldn't even want to see him then.

Secretly, she hopes he gets the help he needs.

Sana sleeps in a twin bed in the nursery Tzuyu set up for her and Penelope. The room is comfortable and quiet and erases any expectations Sana might have worried Tzuyu harbored. Tzuyu waits for Sana to initiate any gesture of affection between them beyond little touches and smiles. They aren't sure what they are to each other right now. Their romance takes a pause for a few weeks. But seeing the respect and care Tzuyu gives them both - often in the form of space - makes Sana love her more.