Dead Man Walking | Rick Grimes

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Rick is wearing my favorite shirt: the blue button-up. I watched from the doorway as he tried to convince Carl to join him and Aaron on their excursion outside the gates. We need supplies for Negan and the Saviors; if it's anything like this last time, we don't have enough to sustain ourselves. Carl angrily threw a dart at the dartboard and refused. Rick shook his head with a sigh and walked over to me, a walkie in his hand.

"You sure you don't wanna come?" Rick asked me. I grabbed the walkie and held it against my chest, nodding at him. Someone needs to stay behind.

"Be safe out there, please," I whispered, my eyes finding Aaron. He nodded and patted me on the shoulder before exiting the room. I followed as Rick slowly walked out, my hand grabbing his. We stopped at the stairs, watching Aaron descend without another glance back.

"We're headed North if you change your mind," Rick said, placing his hands on my hips. I nodded and caressed his face with both hands, our eyes connecting.

"Good luck," I murmured, closing the distance between our lips. Our lips moved together slowly, each of us savoring the moment. Rick pulled me closer, eliminating any space between us. After a moment, I pulled away, keeping my eyes closed as I pressed my forehead to his. "I love you,"

"I love you more," Rick breathed and kissed my forehead. I opened my eyes and nodded, letting him walk away from me.

I stood at the top of the stairs, hearing Aaron's and Rick's footsteps thunder towards the door and disappear. Carl emerged from his room and stomped down the steps, obviously pissed off. I don't blame the kid. I'm pissed too, but we have to play along for now. I just wish he understood. Sighing heavily, I followed down the steps and cocked an eye as he sat in a chair backward, his one good eye on Selena as she played with Judith.

"Why didn't you go with my dad?" Carl asked, gaining Selena's attention.

"Yeah, why didn't you?" Selena chimed in.

"I have to figure some things out," I explained and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. My holster clicked as I moved, and I could feel their eyes on it. Despite not having a gun, I felt weird not wearing it, and it wasn't completely useless; I still had my knife.

"What is there to figure out?" Carl asked, rising to his feet to stare me down. God, I still remember when he was shorter than me! Now, he towers over me. I can't tell him the truth. It's bad enough that Selena and Michonne know the truth.

"Please," I felt my voice waver as the urge to cry overwhelmed me, "I can't—I can't say, but I have to figure things out, okay?" Carl's eye widened, and he approached me, his hands on my shoulders. He's obviously flustered with my reaction.

"June, I—I," I looked up at him and shook my head, hating how emotional I've been lately. There's nothing I can do about it, though; it comes with the territory.

"I'm going out for a few hours," I told him, "Please don't get into any trouble or make Olivia cry today. Change your bandage later, okay?" Carl swallowed thickly and nodded, his eye lowering as I pulled away. I grabbed the pack I had stashed by the door earlier and slung it over my shoulders, not sparing another glance towards the teens. Michonne stood on the porch, her brown eyes lifting as I climbed down the steps, and I watched her lips press into a straight line.

"I said I would do this in your place," Michonne reminded me. I wanted to see Negan and talk to him, but Michonne has watched me like a hawk since discovering my secret. I let her talk me out of it and agreed to have her go for me instead.

"I know," I nodded, "I'm going to go to the nearest town for a few hours," Michonne frowned and grabbed my hand, her worried eyes on me.

"I can do that for you, too." I shook my head and kept my eyes down, hating how she treated me. I'm not fragile. I'm not going to break if I step outside the community.