A shriek. I kick, shout and scream but they hold me down anyways- the ones in white. They always hold me down. The white walls close in around me, holding me hostage in my own home. But this never was my home. They try to convince me it is. But I know they lie to me. They all lie to me. They tell me I am happy and safe here. How do they know how I feel? They have no clue. So I sit here, day after day and night after night, telling myself my pain will someday come to an end.
Though, this place does have one good thing going for it. I have a friend. No it’s not one of those scary people in white. My friend is very quiet and is a good listener. He comes out when he senses I’m feeling alone or sad. He sits in front of me and looks into my wide eyes which are the same brown-ish colour as his. His hair is always in his eyes but he doesn’t bother to move it. He likes it. It suits him. He raises his arms toward me, to comfort me and I suddenly feel better.
Today I tried talking to him but he didn’t feel like it. His mouth moved but no words came out. I guess he lost his voice… The people dressed in white enter the room and I told my friend to stay with me, and he did, turning to face the monsters as bravely as me. They put their arms under mine, attaching like hooks and carried me out the room, my feet dragging behind me. I don’t see the point in screaming anymore. I know what’s coming. They sat me down, trying to look me in the eyes that were shielded by my hair. You don’t have the right to look at me.
“Elijah, you can’t keep talking to yourself.” Her eyes widen and her mouth shuts into a straight line.
What is she talking about? “Talk to myself? I don’t do that! I was talking to Tommy!” I screamed at her.
“Elijah, there is no one named Tommy here.” she said as she looked down at her paper.
“Yes there is. He’s my friend!”
“Well, I would love to meet him.” She smiled and helped me to my feet.
I sat down again, in my favourite spot, in my comfy chair. And suddenly, as if I had called him, Tommy appeared. Just like I knew he would. “See!”
“Oh… Elijah. He looks-“
“He’s very friendly you know. He makes me feel better when you people take me away.”
The small woman wearing white did not look impressed by Tommy’s sudden appearance or charm. She simply looks down at the ground before talking to her radio again. She walks off into the office next door and I catch a few words. “Crazy”… “Mirror”… “Himself.”
I whip around to face the man I have named Tommy. I focus on his eyes. The same shade of brown as mine, as if someone washed a dirty rag in water. Then his hair. Drooping over his eyes, hiding from the world. His arms were thin and had small red dots on them. I look down at my own arms, stroking them for an instant. Looking up at Tommy again, he does the same action. I touch Tommy and see his arms are cold and oddly shiny. My head tilts to the side and so does Tommy’s. I flash my teeth and so does he.
A feeling of emptiness consumes me. My heart beats faster and faster. My head spins. I know the truth now. It all makes sense- Tommy leaving and coming back, what the woman said on her radio.
I stand up and make my way around Tommy’s thin body. As if proving my theory he was gone. I couldn’t see him. Tommy- If you’re playing with me this isn’t funny! Please! Prove them wrong! I’m not crazy! You’re real!
I walk back to the front and see Tommy again. But now I can’t call him that. For now I know I am looking at a sad reflection of myself.
