I despise people.

illness

I feel sick. Sick isn't the right word, but my vocabulary is shit so i'm using it. Every time I get mad, my vision goes blurry and it feels like when your eyeballs look to the top of your eyelids. That exact feeling. It sounds fucking weird and I feel like y/n but worse. Its so weird, because whenever it happens its really risky. I feel more enticed to drop the persona and simply, want to strangle them. Leak their information, send death threats, everything. I am aware it is immoral, but i'm too tired to care. I truly want them to die. To have my hands strangling their neck, to watch them struggling for air finally being unable to talk. Oh, how satisfying it would be. But I cant. I dont even know how Id cover it. I would forgive myself so easily, but other people the opposite.

I am genuinely suicidal and nothing has helped. Nothing will.

I want to cry.

(I have no idea if there is even a song that can match how I feel. Brokendate by Com Truise is probably the closest. Then again, I have an entire playlist of such songs:

'endless satisfaction'. )