Young and Widowed

KABANATA 17

"Avy, aren't you curious about your father?"

I gulped nervously while looking at my daughter's face, tinitingnan kung ano ang magiging reaksyon niya sa itinanong.

She blinked twice before looking up at me.

"Paa?" I nodded "Yes, your Papa."

She look down and closed her eyes as if going to sleep. "No, I ownly need maa."

This is the first time that we discussed about her father, kaya ganon talaga ang kaba ko sa reaksyon at isasagot niya.

At iyon na nga, she already gave me her answer. Hind siya curious at interisado sa papa niya. Should I be happy about it?

Of course no.

It's because her answer makes me hide her from her father. For some reason nagiging reason ko ang sagot niya para hindi niya makilala ang totoong ama.

That's not fair for both of them. Azazel deserves to know and my baby deserves to know her father aswell. Both of them deserves to know each other.

Unless Azazel refused and declined to acknowledge my daughter as his. Only then, I would gladly forbid him to meet my daughter.

"Then, would you like to meet your Pa?" Napipi ako ng tumingin siya saakin, her serious face reminds me of her father's.

"Maa, do you want?"

Doon ako hindi nakasagot. From her response, anytime, she's ready to meet her father. She's ready to know and converse with him while on the other hand.. Ako.

Ako ang hindi handa..

"I ownly need maa, and maa don like pa, so no."

Mahigpit ko siyang niyakap "Anak, it's not like Maa doesn't like Pa--"

"Maa, is okay. Abi gets it." Doon na ako tuluyan naluha, I buried her head on my chest. Hindi ko gustong nakikita niya akong umiiyak.

I didn't know that my Avy is already aware of her surroundings. She's too intelligent for her age. She's too mature. I want her to remain my baby forever.

"You know mommy loves you so much right? And mommy is fine if Avy wants to see Paa."

"I told you, Abi ownly needs maa. Am sleepy, Abi will sleep."

She doesn't want to talk about her father, alam kong curious din ang anak ko sa ama niya, I know. Sino ba ang hindi magtatanong at magtatakha kung bakit nanay lang ang meron sila?

Hindi ko na siya pinilit at hinele na lamang para makatulog. I lightly tap her hips and I hummed softly.

While watching her sleep nakita ko ang maliit na butil ng luha sa gilid ng kaniyang mga mata. Nasaktan ako dahil doon. My daughter is not being honest with herself.

When I was pregnant with Avy, I almost lost her and my life aswell. Looking back in the past, the time where I found out that I was pregnant. I got depressed. At nalaman pa iyon ni Madam Consortia. She wanted me to abort the child or else Azazel would find out. Ang sabi niya noon ay hindi pa handa ang kaniyang pamangkin, and being the naive me. I accepted it, sinabi ko na hindi na ako sakanila lalapit, na magpapakalayo layo ako. But Madam Consortia doesn't want me to leave without aborting the baby. Ayon ang dahilan kung bakit napilitan akong tumakas sakaniya.

Hindi naman araw araw ay nakikita ako ni Madam Consortia, dumalaw lang siya saakin sa states nung araw na ipapadala na nila ako sa Africa. At doon niya nakita ang umbok sa tiyan ko. She got mad at sinampal ako.

I winced, parang naalala ko ang sakit nung oras na dumapo ang palad niya sa pisngi ko.

Napagpasyahan kong tumayo at lumabas ng bahay at magpahangin. I feel stuffy again. Bahagyang nahihirapan nanaman ako sa paghinga.