her love

something is wrong with me

bae<3: hey love when do you get out again? wouldn't want to keep my wifey waiting.
i blush harder now. i love when she sweet talks me. but as a friend, yknow? nothing more i swear.
me: well good morning sweetness~ i get out at 12:30 today🤍🤍
i respond maybe a little too fast but i don't care. she's the bestest friend i could ever have. i sit there in chemistry class- i being to remember how we met.
—flashback—ten years ago—
"alright class today we'll be taking it easy. i wouldn't want to bore you the day before christmas break. i've made some popcorn, and some moms have brought in sweets, we'll be watching Polar Express.", ms. taron says with the biggest smile on her face.
yes! i can finally finish my book-
Counting by Sevens, i think to myself.
i wasn't exactly popular- or even cool. or had a lot of friends. or really any...uh- okay. i was just so nervous of them being mean. so being alone was a pretty good option. i was independent.
i liked it that way.
"do you have any plans?", she says. in the most perfect voice ever. it's calming, yet adventurous.
i look up to see how it belongs to- a girl with oceans for eyes. and her hair in her face. blond- a dirty blonde? i can't tell since they've turned off the lights. she has two front teeth missing. but that doesn't stop her from smiling.
i freeze. she's actually talking to me ?
"um. no. it's just me and my parents. we might go see the christmas lights. but we usually just relax at home and eat junk food. sometimes we watch movies. and ofc open presents. sorry- was that too much? what do you do? or are going to do? or-", stops me mid way with her laughter.
omg it's contagious.
"bro you're fine. i'm nothing special- you don't have to stutter over me bahahaha. but basically same.", there's that smile again.
———
"can i get your address? maybe we would plan a sleepover?", she says-
i'm doing flips in my head. she WANTS to hang out with me. what the fu-
"so what do you say?", she stops me once again.
"i would love to! here-" i write down my address for her.
"thanks."
what a wonderful way to start christmas break.
—present—day—
ding
notification: message
bae<3
unlock to see the message.
bae<3: sounds good:) i can't wait to see your beautiful face!
i'm speechless. omg- she makes my stomach turn- she's so charming, and pretty, and my best friend annnnnd nothing more of course!
me: i know you're in love with me😸
whew- played it cool. well- not that i'm hiding anything....anyway.
i go through all my periods- texting emma throughout the day. i watch the clock like a hawk.
12:29
move any faster ??
omg it's like it's stuck there. this sucks.
i roll my eyes and see that my honors english teacher is getting choked up.
bitch please you're happy we're leaving
12:30
i'm gone. i walk out the school to see emma sitting in her car. i sit in the passenger seat.
"you look gorgeous today", she says,"how do you not have a boyfriend??" , emma laughs to herself and starts the car.
-my mom picked up my car from school. she said she needs her steps or something idk man-
"i don't want a boyfriend.", i say matching her little giggles.
"every girl does AI- don't lie to me. i see it written all over your cute face. *gasp* do you perhaps fancy someone?", emma has now transitioned to her old time accent.
makes me laugh every time.
"god no!", i say back full on laughing now.
she laughs too and turns up the music.
groupie love by lana del rey is ending.
live or die by noah cyrus and lil xan begin to play.
we scream lyrics as we drive to the beach.
———
we're almost there and she by dodie begins to play. i've never heard this song before.
okay. i have. i hate it.
maybe you hate it because it's explaining why you like your "best friend" so much?
i hate that voice in my head. but she's right. ugh- she's always right. she slithers in her comments with her velvet voice. i can practically feel her laughing at me.
"hey- you okay?", emma's tone is now concerned for me. she looking over at me.
"hmm? oh yeah.", i lie. i'm a terrible liar. actually i can lie to everyone but myself and emma. so- idk.
"i'm being serious. are you okay?", now she's more offensive.
she turns off the music. glancing to me every two seconds. her eyes have "tell me" all over them. her forehead is full of crinkles.
"if i tell you then our relationship is ruined. but i basically already told you....i think i- uh. i think i like girls.", holy shit. i actually said it.
"don't scare me like that. i thought something was wrong with you.", she breathes out laughing to herself.
"something is wrong with me. i cant like girls- i'm a girl!", tears start rolling down my face. i begin to do an embarrassing sob.
i hug my knees in emma's seat- hide my face in my hands. i feel the car move around- way too much for some old street ways. the cat comes to a sudden stop.
———
i grew up christian. which means that- i know what is wrong and what is right in his eyes. i am wrong. i know that. but this feeling has forever been so overwhelming.
———
"who told you that? alice ivy- who told you that you can't like girls? WHO GIVES A FUCK! it's not like you're murdering babies. ofc you can like and love girls. it doesn't affect our relationship at all. okay? can you look at me, princess?"
WHAT THE- i could pass out right now. that's a new one. whatever she wants tho-
i unfold myself to look at her. she holds my face with her hands.
"...okay.", i manage to spit out.
———
we have a wonderful day. swimming- jumping off of rocks- reading. it's all magical. and for the first time in a long time i feel happy.
the sun begins to set as we lay on the warm sun kissed sand. i have my eyes closed. i feel emma toss and turn.
"AI? i have to tell you something. uh- im going to la. moving there. in less than a month. my mom and i are going apartment shopping tomorrow. i want you to come.", she quietly says.