Dear Kim Sunoo ⚊ Letter Series #2

letter five

Dear Kim Sunoo,

Why is it when the story ends, we begin to feel all of it?

It's probably my fault for getting attached to you. Even if I know that it would end eventually.

I mean, really, we were bound to end by the moment you told me 'bout your dreams and got accepted at Belift in the first time you tried.

I guess I just kind of hoped that you'd loved me enough to fight against their dating ban rules, you know? And every day I wonder whenever I woke up that we will never meet again.

That small town is a prison for me. It makes me feel lost due to the fact that every corner, shops and stores even the buildings and the faces of the people reminded me of what we used to be.

And I can't wait to get out of here. All I want is to leave and start fresh somewhere else. And yet at the same time, I don't want to.

It feels like asking for God to remove you permanently from my life.

Since we were in kindergarten, from the moment you helped me up after I lost my balance on the slide, all I wanted was for you to notice me, to talk to me again.

You finally did in highschool. It might've been silly to harbor a feelings for you for so long but my grandma told me, that first love does that to people.

And I was the happiest girl on the earth when my first love asked me to be his girlfriend in the most normal way. We were watching one of your favorite drama when you just blurted out that you liked me, so I told you the same and we were both laughing by the end of the day.

How silly we are to think that just because you were my first, you will be the last.

It doesn't work in reality like we used to imagine from the romantic movies.

Everything was fine at first, I was like living my daydream with you in my side. Everyone in school was envious that I got the eyes of the sunshine.

Well, everything was going well but you and I.

I still remember that night after we celebrated with our friends your acceptance in Bighit.

The same night that wrecked my hopes and dreams for you and me.

You had brought me home and you were quiet the whole time in the way there. I asked you what was wrong because you were never the kind to shut your mouth.

Only if you were about to say something sad.

And you closed your eyes before sighing then came the worst part of our story.

"Y/N, I'm sorry", You began without looking me in the eyes for the first time, "but we can't be together from now. We just can't. It's best if you forget about us. That we ever happened. I'm sorry. It's for your own good"

And then you walked away just like that, without a goodbye or a hug to make up for it.

All I could do was stare and try to process what you had said.

In the following days, I tried to reach out to you and even do in my own stupidity to wait for you at home, but every time you get there, you broke me again and again as you just run inside, ignoring my calls.

That's when I knew it's really over by the time I went to visit again and only to receive the news from your mom that you already left school to go at Seoul.

My whole world fell apart then just because of one person, the person who had that ability.

The ability to break me like his promise and you were so casually cruel in the name of putting your dreams first.

But I can't do one thing that you told me to do.

You told me to forget about you.

How can I forget my first love, Sunoo? After all, you are the best thing that happened to me.

And let's accept it, the worst.

It doesn't seem fair because I'm still hurting while you're off being happy to your new journey. You don't have to wake up or go to sleep thinking of how much you miss it, but I do.

And it always hurt a little bit more each time, even if I say it doesn't.

Y/N