Deranged {#WATTYS2015}

XI. The Girl Who Was Sedated

❝You're so beautiful.❞ I'd never noticed before, just how melodic Marcus's voice could be, how he lifted and dropped it to accentuate his words, the emphases he used, as delicate and finely arranged as a symphony. "But, beauty doesn't mean to me what it does to others."

He pressed his lips against mine, and despite that harassing voice in my back of my head, I kissed him back, feeling my mouth began to bruise beneath his eager assault. I felt him. Everywhere. Gripping my hips, lowering me down onto his lap as I straddled his waist. I felt his hands pulling at my shirt, ripping the blood soaked fabric from my body. "Imagine the things we could do together.....besides the sex."

He grinned. A wicked, dimpled fucking grin.

Vulnerable to his roving eye, my chest heaved. One, twice, three times. Grasping my bra straps, he slowly pulled them down my shoulders, exposing my breasts to the cool air surrounding us. "We'd kill them all. Anyone whose ever made you feel like you were less than them, or made you feel like you didn't matter." 

My hands wrapped around his neck, and leaned backwards, swaying from side to side. A chuckle left the barriers of my lips, as he pulled me back to him, eyes dancing with amusement. I felt drunk and high at the same time. And maybe I was. High off the way killing Sawyer had made me feel.

"That's what you want, isn't it?" He lifted his gaze to mine, his smile foul with lust. There were still traces of the blood spread across the right side of his face, from when I pulled him into my kiss minutes earlier.

He was otherworldly. I couldn't deny it, as I watched him haul his shirt over his head.

"You're no good for me." My voice broke the quiet, dark with gently mocking humour.

"Well, it's a good thing I don't give a fuck."

✖ ✖ ✖

I mewled from the nebulous glow tapping against my face, as the last remnants of any nightmares faded away into a sea of blackness, only to be replaced by the realization of consciousness. Everything was different, now. From the moment I pulled the trigger and ended someone else's life, everything was different.

I tried cringing my eyes shut and falling back into oblivion, but last night's events flashed before my closed eye lids, images filled with blood, and thoughts of Sawyer tore at my brain, forbidding me from escaping the prison that was my mind. But the thing that frightened me the most was... I didn't feel anything, nothing at all; no remorse, no pity.

I didn't care that Sawyer was dead, and I didn't care that I was the one who killed him. The only thing that I cared about was being able to feel what I felt in that moment again, and I knew that wasn't right. Something was happening to me, but was it wrong that I liked it.

A soft snore slipped pass Marcus's parted lips, blowing against the crook of my neck sending bolts of electricity shooting down my spine, and I was once again reminded of what I did yesterday. What we did. My crumbled body lay still on top of his, seeking warmth but only receiving the coldness bleeding out of him and into to me, one of his hands had found itself twisted and tangled into my hair, while the other rested on the small of my back pulling me closer into him. Even in his slumber his hold was as demanded as his personality; he refused to let me go almost as if he was afraid I would slip away at any giving second.

And, god I wish I could.

But, every time I tried to move, he would nuzzled back into me so close that I could feel the beating of his heart against my chest. He looked so normal, so innocent, but I knew that underneath his mask of deception and lies, hid a blood-thirsty monster clawing at the surface, awaiting for someone weak and vulnerable, someone it could ruthlessly taunt and brutally torture...

Me.

I remember falling asleep with Marcus last night. That's all. There wasn't any evidence of me having sex with him, and at that, I let out a huff of relief.

What was he doing to me? What was he doing to me? The question rung through my head over a thousand times, and still, I didn't have an answer.

He was turning me into someone I never wanted to be, making me do things that I never thought I'd do, and I hated myself for not hating him.

Tears welled up in my wide eyes, and I gritted my teeth together in irritation. ''Don't cry, don't you dare fucking cry.'' I muttered under my breath, suddenly annoyed with the idea of wasting anymore tears.

I needed to find Blair and get out, and the only person who could help was Scott.