How To Hate Your Best Friend

four

A week had gone by since I had first talked to Colton's new girlfriend and group of friends. Ever since then, my days have been dull. 

It was wake up, go to classes, volleyball practice, take the bus home. Repeat. Simple. Structured. Just how I usually liked it. Except, something was missing. Someone was missing. Colton.

He had barely been responding to my texts. Every time I texted him he'd either respond two days later or simply 'react' to the message with a thumbs up or '!!' on iMessage. No genuine words were exchanged. It felt weird, like something was changing.

Usually in the halls he'd at least have the courtesy of throwing a small smile way in between classes, or make a silly face only he and I could see/understand. But nope. Each time I passed him by now, his eyes scour over the sea of students but those piercing eyes never find mine. 

I don't necessarily think he was doing it on purpose, however, because he didn't look mad or anything. Each time I saw him in the hallway he had Brooke underneath his arm, and he was laughing. Laughing at something, all the time-- whether that be a sweet joke Brooke probably told him or something else, he was always smiley. 

I felt selfish for thinking he had to extend that smiley/kindness to me. 

 Today was our first scrimmage game of the season. I was currently in the library studying my Pre-Calculus notes because lord have mercy I had no fucking clue what was going on in the class. It was only 3 so I knew I had a good amount of time before the game actually started since it begun at 5. The library was my sanctuary. It was a place that I came to alone and more recently had been coming to since Colton barely hung out with me at lunch anymore. I took the time i needed to study and relax in this room and I couldn't think of a more calming place to be. 

I took a break from my notes and clicked open my Instagram. It y Instagram was flooded with story-fliers of "GIRLSJV/ VARSITY VOLLEYBALL GAME TONITE AT 7PM/BRING FRIENDS+FAMILY" from all the varsity girls and their friends. They were decorated with those little colorful white and blue polka dots (our school's colors) and yes, you probably guessed it already-- most of the girls who posted things like that did in fact have VSCOs in their bios. And did, in fact, use that filter that turned everything white and orange.  

The library was quiet until suddenly the doors swung open. In came a bustling body who I almost didn't recognize until the man looked up and I met eyes with Colton. As soon as he saw me, he smiled and waved.

I took a second to contemplate. Did I really want to talk to him? Did i really want to wave him over, after all the times he had totally ignored me? And now, wanted to speak to me just because I was alone and he wasn't with his friends?

It didn't matter either way, because he was heading straight for me. I threw on a fake smile. 

"Asha, it feels like forever," he grinned, setting down his stuff. He seemed extra energized and smelled a lot like sweat.

"You smell like sweat," I pointed out. 

He laughed, not even the slightest bit of concerned, "Was gonna shower at home but car's getting fixed so I don't have a ride. Taking the bus." He wiggled his eyebrows.

Then it clicked. He just came back from fucking Brooke. 

"You fucked her?" I asked, forcing a 'proud' smile on my face. Cause it's what he would want to see. Only cause it's what he would want to see. 

"Don't say it like that. You make it sound like I'm an asshole," he groaned, then paused. Smiled. "But yeah. I did it, man. FUCK YEAH I FUCKED BROOKE MCKAILEY!!!" He shouted in the quiet library. Luckily, there was no one around us. 

"Jeez, Colt, never thought you had it in you."

"Me either. Guess I do, though. God, it's not even about the sex either--which is great, by the way--" He ranted. I held back a grimace. "Tonight I'm gonna head downtown with her and watch the-"

This whiplashed me.

"I thought you were coming to my game?" 

He grimaced, almost like he was apologizing, "Shit. I forgot. I' m so sorry Ash, but I have plans with Brooke tonight. You get it right?"

I was silent for a second. He looked at me, searching my eyes playfully, like he was asking for my forgiveness. 

"Come onnn, Ash. Don't be like that. This is big for me," he tried to convince me. "I finally got with the girl of my dreams and god can I be honest with you for a sec?" he asked. 

I didn't even say yes, but he continued. 

"I was afraid things were gonna go badly after awhile but I was wrong. You know how people build up this version of someone in their head and when they finally have them they're let down since their expectations were too high? I was scared that was gonna be me with Brooke. I was so scared that my mindset would fuck everything up. I almost threw up after she said yes to me last week," He chuckled the last part. 

Hey! I sort of felt like throwing up too! 

His eyes lowered to the ground, darkening with a sincere shade. "But seriously, she's- she's everything I could've ever imagined. And more, to be frank." He paused then smiled a little, "She does this thing with her eyes that still makes me have butterflies. God, I probably sound so stupid right now-- fuck what am I even saying you probably don't give a shit-"

"No, keep going. I want to hear this." I didn't. But I couldn't be a bad friend and not listen to his feelings, right?

"I- well. Yeah. I just...I really like her. A lot."

Jesus Christ. I had never in my life seen Colton so damn whipped by a girl. Literally never. 

"So no game?" I asked. Half joking. Half not.

He smiled ruefully. "No game. Sorry, Ash." His phone dinged and he opened it, grinning at a text. I assume it was from book. 

"It's fine. I'll see you tomorrow."

 He began packing up his things, ready to leave, but not before glancing down at my notes and messy math work. He pointed at them. "Logarithmic equations? These are easy. Send me a pic of them and I'll do em for you, okay?"

"No, you don't have to-"

"Please, Ash. I want to. By the way I'm sorry, again!" he called out to me, backing up. He was already halfway outside the library doors.

I just shook my head yes and nodded. 

I lied. I wouldn't see him tomorrow.