How To Hate Your Best Friend

ten

A/N: just wanted to rearrange the chapters. p.s, thank you all so much for the support! <3

I don't know why, but seeing him there, on that rooftop, leaning against his car made me break down.

Literally.

All the tears I had been holding in for the past few weeks melted out of me. I could no longer bear the overwhelming feelings as all the grief poured out in a flood of my own uncontrollable tears. By the end of my breakdown, I was on the concrete floor, still shaking from the violent sobbing I had just done, and to my surprise, being hugged.

By him.

It was silent. The howling of the crisp November wind filled the ambiance as he held me. Firm.

It reminded me of what it meant to always be there for each other no matter what. I guess that's what best friends are for.

Finally, I moved away and his hands went into his pockets.

"This doesn't have to be awkward if you don't want it to be," was the first thing he said. 

God, why did he have to be so emotionally mature? This would be easier if he just ghosted the shit out of me but instead he just had to be Therapy Colton today.

"It kinda is, Colt," I sighed. Sniffled.

He opened his lips to say something, but decided against it.

"I'm so sorry, Colton. About everything about all of..." I gestured at myself, snot and tears running down my face, "This."

He chuckled lightly and shrugged. "I should be the one apologizing, really. I couldn't even tell my best friend was going through hell cause I've been so distracted lately."

"It's not your fault. You have your own life." I realized.

He looked at me. Really looked. "And you're apart of that."

I didn't know what to say, so i averted my eyes. There was silence.

"I-Look. What I said the other day was absolutely god awful. I've been meaning to apologize-" he started but I cut him off.

"Don't." It wasn't entirely his fault. "I put you in an impossible situation back there." I admitted.

I could tell he wanted to respond, but I shook my head at him. I didn't want to hear it. For once, could he just let me take the blame?

"How's Brooke?" I found myself asking.

He leaned back, letting out a thinking breath. "Brooke? Brooke she's- well, she's Brooke, for sure."

I let out a small laugh. It felt lighter than before. "I'm sure she probably wants to strangle me and wring my neck like a chicken."

He snorted, then shook his head. "Nah. She's actually been pretty chill about it. Kinda makes me wonder if I'm being a good boyfriend or not."

"Damn. It's always the girl best friends, huh?" I joked. Terrible, dry humor was my go to to make situations less awkward. "Too soon?"

Luckily, the joke landed.

"You, Asha Daniels, are a very shitty person," he said shaking his head with a faint smile on his lips.

It was silent again. His hair was tossing in the chilled, howling wind and his nose was red from the cold.

"How long?" he asked, looking over the rooftop at the sun going down. It was a vague question, but I knew exactly what he meant.

"I-I'm not sure," I felt embarrassed, but it felt nice to finally be able to come clean. To confess. "I think it's been there for a long time, I just couldn't really tell if they were platonic or not. Guess I'm finding that out now." I laughed the last part.

This time, he didn't laugh with me. Instead, he had an unreadable expression on his face. It was quiet for a little while, and I couldn't tell if he was angry, sad, guilty, disgusted-- any of it.

But as I studied longer, I was finally able to read his expression. Like the smartass he was, he was calculating.

"This isn't going to work."

And that. That right there folks. That was his sum after adding everything up. He probably took into consideration Brooke's feelings, his feelings, my feelings, the moral of it all, and it made sense. His calculations made sense.

Me + Him = Wrong.

"Yeah," I agreed. I felt so embarrassed. But also seen? And I was thankful for that. Thankful for him understanding.

"It would be so unfair to Brooke, you know? To stay friends, after everything."

"Yeah. Totally." I agreed with him. This must've been an impossible situation I put him in and I would forever be sorry.

Even if nothing ever happened between us, it was out of respect to his girlfriend, and I understood that.

I hoped he couldn't tell the tears welling in my eyes were not from the cold, but instead the realization. The realization that this was it. I had thought before that when we had our first fight, that was the end. But no. This was it.

But I was confused. Why did it feel...peaceful?

"So..." he drawled, then sighed, finally looking at me. "Not friends?"

I stared at the hand he stuck out  for me to shake. Was he fucking serious.

"Not friends," I shook it anyway, agreeing with him. I could feel a small smile creeping onto my face. Why I was smiling? Not sure.

I guess it's cause things felt back to normal. Even though we had just agreed we 'weren't friends', it still felt like it, and somehow also felt like we just got 10x closer.

"Oh! I almost forgot," he dug into the pocket of his coat and pulled out was a cupcake. "Sorry it's not gourmet. Picked it up from Safeway on my way here last minute."

I wanted to cry again. But this time, bittersweet tears of joy. "Thank you," I said quietly, barely being able to find my voice.

I took it from him, and opened it. Red velvet. My favorite.

"Wait! Before you dig in," he dug through his pants pocked and held up a singular candle and a lighter. He lit the candle then stuck it in the middle of my cupcake.

"Happy birthday, dumbass," he grinned.

I couldn't help but smile too at what a perfect ending this was to such an imperfect situation.

But why did it feel like this wasn't over?

After I blew out the candle, a notification rung throughout the silence.

I couldn't pretend I didn't see his eyes flicker to my screen as Anthony's name flashed on the phone.

You coming? the message said.

He was talking about the party tomorrow night that his band was playing at. I took the time to quickly respond with a yes, wanting to relish in the last moments I'd have with Colton as a friend.

"Who's Anthony?" A voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

Colton.

When, I looked over, I saw he was lighting a backwood with a distant look in his eyes.

"No one." I lied.

Colton looked at me. Really looked. Took a drag, then shook his head with a small laugh.

I don't know why I lied.

Or why he laughed.