Just This Once.

Trying To Fit In

As dad squeezes my hand and stares down at me. (Way down, I'm hella short) And Nelly stares at me with her twinkling eyes. I stare and the building looming towards us and suddenly feel itchy. I tend to get itchy when I'm scared or stressed. My high school isn't particularly large or anything, in fact on induction day I swear I heard someone say it was one if the smallest in Essex. Its just. Well...

I just want to do so well here. It could be my gateway to a better life. Now I've said (well, thunk it. Is thunk right. Hm. Anyway) it seems incredibly pretentious. Just like the phrase incredibly pretentious. But this is a specialist school for sport (ew, no, I'm not going here for sport just waittt) and performing arts.

I want to be a famous actress, I want people to love whatever I'm in, I want people to recognise and idolise me. I want to pretend to be someone else. I want I want I want is all it seems I'm saying right now. But it'd be perfect. I'd be so so happy. I just don't wanna screw it up.

I seem to say "I" a lot. Sorry.

Anyyyyways. Daddums dearest slowly walks me towards the gate, as if he doesent ever want to let go. I smile and look around at everyone. They seem to be giving the very tall skinhead with tattoos and scars, alongside his massive dog, and this small dark haired tiny tanned girl strange looks. Curiouser and curiouser. Tehe. We venture closer to the school when suddenly..

"Oh hello there!" A man with a slightly scared look in his eyes says condescendingly, bending down to talk to me. From his badge I see hes a teacher. I think he's trying to look good so my dad doesent bite him. (My dad wouldn't harm a fly, but I tend to bite. But only in the kindest if ways. *cough* book by its cover *cough*)

"You must just be joining us! Why don't I get a couple of year elevens to show you around" the teacher says as he quickly runs off to stop a couple of tall girls to help me.

Me and dad giggle at each other as we say goodbye.

"Looks like you'll be in safe hands pumpkin," he winks and pulls me in for a hug, voice cracking a little. "I'll be here to pick you up after school, have fun ok?"

I can only nod as I try to fight back tears and hug him tighter. He smiles at me, I stroke Nelly, then these two year elevens take me towards the building.

~

The girls who are helping me are trying their best, but being a bit.. Patronising to say the least. iM NOt cUtE im TERRIFYingggg. Gr. Although everyone here keeps aweing me. Goddamn.

The girls whose names I forgot (and have given up trying to converse with me) take me to the hall and bid me farewell. Suddenly feeling very lonely here. Um. I don't know anyone. Crap. Hmmm. I guess I'll just stand here till something happens..

"AHEM"

Everyone goes quiet as a man who I think is the headmaster tells us what to do. We get sorted into houses (I hope I get Hufflepuff, hehe.) Then off to our forms. Ok. What is a form again. Ummmmmmm. Suddenly I'm handed a piece of paper by an adult with my name on it. RICHMOND in blue letters is next to it. The blue house again. Bruh why's every house I'm in blue. Bro. Brie. I like brie. Where do I stand?? I walk blindly and try to find someone to help me. Hm ok.

I see a paley looking girl with very light blonde hair, she sounds Australian. But she's talking to a girl with long orange hair and a tan. I don't wanna interrupt. Hm. Who else. Oh a really tall girl from my primary school called Olivia's here. But she scares me. Umumum. FLUMP. I bang into a girl with mousey brown hair and a bag with quotes on it. Book quotes. Cooooool. She's holding a piece of paper and it says "Evangeline" ooo.

"Excuse me?" I say in a tiny voice as she stares at me. "Do you know where I should go?" I ask showing her my paper with the houses and such on it. She smiles and points me in the general left direction as she joins another line.

Venturing left I see a girl with ginger hair and MCR badges on her bag. I love MCR. Yuusssss. The line with her in started moving so I follow and were soon lined up in front of an art classroom. I stand still frightened, but look at the girl. She catches me looking so I smile, and she smiles back. Breathing out, gaining some of my hyperactiveness, I begin to talk.

"I... I like your bag." I manage to stammer, starting to feel too awkward as we just stand in silence. She smiles thanking me, seeming a bit shy of me too. Me really? Hehe, ok. Whatevz. Don't get too weird now Tues, you cannot be weeiirrd. Just. Breathe.