i am so fucking sorry

stuck with him

I don't know how many hours we stay silent. it was hard to believe, I was thinking he is the one for me. our wonderful memories didn't left my mind. he is still sitting in front of me, he escaping eye contact cuz he doesn't want to seen while crying, he thinks men shouldn't cry. He chose another woman yeah he cheated on me. he is not your idiot.

"I can leave if you want but say something. I want you to know I'll always love you," he said

"Stop saying that," I said cuz how he still saying this?
"I will go, here is your home" I said

"Please let me do something, I would do whatever you want baby. let's talk about this" he started begging but i didn't care

"you wanna talk about this? okay let's talk about this, how was she? was she good?" it was my burst point and my voice came out louder.

"what?" he surprised.

"you said wanna talk? is she ride you or sucked your cock? which positions you used, I'm so excited to hear those questions' answers" I was smiling but tears were still there at the same time. I ask questions that i didn't wanna hear answers

he was so shocked he didn't expect to hear these words. I started packing, my eyes were blurry so I can't see what I put in the bag but I don't fucking care

"it was a mistake, I made a mistake okay? and she was different if you want an answer. I'm so fucked up I know I was disgusted with myself" he sits on the bed again his hands covered his forehead still avoiding eye contact

"You chose her Robert, go to your new chick, if you liked her I'm very sure she is beautiful"

"No, I didn't choose her. you are the one for me. it was a one-time thing
and he realized what he said cuz our relationship started with "one night stand" and he is in a relationship there is no "OnE NiGhT StaNd" he lets out a sigh and finally looked my eyes

"Are you kidding me? last three days I thought something wrong with me or you don't want me, all I did is taking care of you, loving you. how did you do it, Robert? how did you do to us"

He knows my words are true and he keeps falling deep thoughts about how he did

"I don't know how it happened, I couldn't control myself and it did happen"
he looked at the carpet and he waited for a while and started again
"last 3 days like a hell for me too I wanted touch you, wanted to close you but my mind said you don't deserve me or treating like this."

"Oh how thoughtful of you! thank you so much!" ironic. I irritated because he still has encourage to speak

"I am sorry. Baby she nothing for me it didn't mean anything, I swear"

his voice cracking and it breaks my heart but my heart has already broken a million pieces. I still trying to look strong but it doesn't work

"Don't call me like that, Robert"

I packed everything in our bedroom and I zipped up. He suddenly stood up and grabbed my wrist so that I wouldn't go. I looked up at him with angry eyes and he left my wrist

"Don't go, please I'm a mess without you, and here is our home not mine if you don't wanna see me I will go okay?"

I looked out the window it was raining and stormy. Robert can't go cuz his car at the service so I should go and we can't call a taxi because our home is far away from the city and rainy days taxies can't come here

"Your car is not here How do you plan to go?

My phone started ringing and it was my roommate Jenny, I picked up. her voice always makes me comfortable, she has energy but it weirdly effective on me

"Hey, bitch!"

"Hey" I get out of the room that he is in. I quietly speak

"How is your boyfriend oh I didn't break anything right? You guys are naughty hahaha" She has no idea what i am through

"Hey listen, I will come home tonight, I'll explain everything later okay?

"Oh girl, I'm not at home. I and my queen Megan are on a vacation!

"Please tell me you left the keys to Uncle Stan"

"Sorry baby girl"

"Oh you can't be serious right now" I was about to  blow my mind.

"Why don't you stay with Robert? Is something wrong?

"yes everything going wrong" I let out a sigh and I ended the call

Robert was looking at me with curious eyes. I was so angry, my boyfriend cheated on me, my roommate isn't at home, I have no keys, stupid car at service oh everything great and I stuck with Robert here!

"What did she say?"

"I stuck with you here so don't come closer to me while I sleeping and I'll go tomorrow morning.

"You will never forgive me right?" he was so sad and messy, I love his messy hair and he know this

"What will you do Robert? I'll never ever do this to you but what if?"

"You have every right to be mad but please I said thousand times I'm so fucking sorry"

"Get out of my way! Sometimes being sorry is not make things right" I mean it

"Ok I'll stay in the guest room, you stay here. Good night" he is looking at me like puppies

he picked up his pillow cuz he never sleep without his pillow.
I didn't answer him and I let myself to bed, I know I can't sleep cuz it still hurts and it will hurt for the rest of my life...