little fox

14

WARNING: BLOOD, CUTTING, DEPRESSION.

we'd all decided to meet up at the tower, even bruce. He and Zoey had made the decision that she didn't need to move to the tower, but she'd need to be trained in how to use weapons. we decided to watch stupid youtube videos since we couldn't agree on a movie. peter, clint, Loki, sam, and I'm currently scrolling through my phone and have an amazing idea.

"OMG, GUYS. LOOK AT THIS VIDEO!" everyone jumps and looks at me in concern. the previously bored people caught on and pulled up the same video on their phones.

"Yeah, we found it too," Sam says. Steve looks concerned.

"go ahead and play them." I look at the prank patrol and tap my foot three times and we all start it simultaneously. everyone else groans as the familiar intro of never gonna give you up fills the room. I start singing terribly and dancing to the song. after a few seconds, everyone else stops playing the song and just watches me. but, as rickrolling someone does, it gets tiring. I sit down and cuddle into tony. various people had started talking, so I just sit and enjoy the sound of my mates being happy. I close my eyes and the emotions I've been burying bubble up slightly. how could such wonderful people be bonded to a monster like me?

I'm not going to be able to hold it together much longer.

"hey, tony? where's my room?" he looks at me, then the ceiling.

"FRIDAY, where's Rayn's room?" 

"The 72 floor, sir. between the super soldiers and the Asgardians." I jump, then realize that it's an AI, not an enemy.

"thank you, FRIDAY. can you figure it out yourself, or do you need FRIDAY to light the way?" I consider tony's question for a second.

"yeah, have her light it, please." tony nods, and FRIDAY lights up the walls. after a few minutes, I find my way to my room. 

it's black, white, and silver, with fluffy carpet and plush, soft furniture. the bathroom was just as gorgeous with a large bathtub and shower, connected to a spacious closet already filled with clothes. I face myself in the mirror, staring myself down. I snarl, disgusted. taking off the bandages, I trace my scars. my claws slip out. slowly, I drag the tip of one claw from one side of my wrist to the other, watching the blood bead and run, dripping into the sink. drag, bead, run, drip. drag, bead, run, drip. I repeat this four or five times before I start getting a little lightheaded. throwing away the old bandages, I replace them with new ones. after I make sure they're not going to bleed through in a minute, I pad over to the bed silently, collapsing onto it. I curl into a ball, tears leaking down my face. rocking myself back and forth, I sing to myself quietly.

"thought I found a way

Thought I found a way out (found)

But you never go away (never go away)

So I guess I gotta stay now

Oh, I hope someday I'll make it out of here

Even if it takes all night or a hundred years

Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near

Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear

Isn't it lovely, all alone

Heart made of glass, my mind of stone

Tear me to pieces, skin to bone

Hello, welcome home

Walkin' out of town

Lookin' for a better place (lookin' for a better place)

Something's on my mind (mind)

Always in my headspace

But I know someday I'll make it out of here

Even if it takes all night or a hundred years

Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near

Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear

Isn't it lovely, all alone

Heart made of glass, my mind of stone

Tear me to pieces, skin to bone

Hello, welcome home

Hello, welcome home"

tears are streaming down my face as I choke back sobs. my mates are so perfect for each other, why did they have me? I'm just a waste of their time, money, and space. I could die, but- that's scary. i don't know what happens after I die. this is fine. yeah, pain is good. as long as they don't get hurt because of it, pain is good. if they do, then I die? I don't know. maybe dying is easier... but pain hurts more, and I deserve the pain... so pain? pain for staying alive, and if I'm going to die, make it painful. yeah, that seems like it'll work. I'll do that. I stop crying and my emotions fade back into mists as I hum a random cheerful melody.