달빛 그림자 | ʙʟᴀᴄᴋᴘɪɴᴋ's ғɪғᴛʜ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ

ɪɴsɪᴅᴇ ʜᴇʀ ᴅɪᴀʀʏ

•••

1.

I'm not adult.
I'm not a teen.
A child is what I've never had the right to be.
An adult is what they won't let me be.

Right now,
I don't want to 'be' and I'm sorry.

2.

I watch the sunset,
And hope it will be the last one.

I eat everything I want,
Because soon I might not eat at all.

I wake up every morning with nail marks in the palm of my hands.
Then, I do it again through the day, on purpose.

I laugh for nothing,
Because nothing makes me happy.

I don't cry,
Because pain is everything.

3.

I'm trapped here...

4.

I'm sorry mom.

I'm sorry
for not eating.

I'm sorry
for crying all the time.

I'm sorry
for being angry all the time.

Im sorry
for not laughing and smiling like before.

I'm sorry
for being sad all the time.

I'm sorry
for not letting you live in peace.
I'm sorry
for being a problem
but you'd rather me to be your problem than not be at all.

5.

Dreaming is the only way I can escape my problems, my frustrations and my tears but then, why are you in them?

6.

It started with daydreaming, it ended with nightmares.

7.

It's not that I chose to hate you. I just refuse to accept that I loved you.

8.

The back of my feet were sore. My makeup almost entirely melted off. I looked at my notifications and there he was. But not to say hi. Or ask how my day was. Just the simple words, 'come over ;)'

They were right, he doesn't love me. I don't think he ever did.

9.

I stopped liking you completely. It's almost like you knew, so you looked me in the eye. You looked at me with those eyes. And, well I fell again.

10.

It feels like falling. Falling into a bottomless hole. Maybe I'm just out of my mind, but I don't feel anything anymore. Like every nerve in my body has been numbed. Maybe it's just me, but every day just passes and passes, and I don't even notice. Every day passes and passes, and every night I lay in my bed wondering: who am I? What is life? Who are you? Why? Every now and then I wonder when; when this will all end? When did this disaster happened?

11.

I don't hate you. I'm just disappointed you turned into everything you said you'd never be.

12.

She was stronger than she give herself credit for.
She went through every heartache alone, every worry, every concern, every unhappiness she dealt with alone, sober and clean.
But how long one go, before they break.

13.

Tell me... am I still the villain in your story?