Searching For Home

Chapter Four

"How are you holding up?" Nikki asked as she sat down beside Jacey in the library they were staying at for the night. They had been traveling for the past day and tomorrow would make two days though according to Miller they should arrive at the farm sometime tomorrow.

Jacey looked at Nikki, "Yeah, I'm fine," she nodded as she shrugged. "The sick feeling seemed to pass so I should be okay now."

"Until in the morning," Nikki mused as she watched Jacey for a reaction. "Then your sick feeling will be back right?"

Hearing Nikki, Jacey looked down, "Y..you figured it out?" she asked her voice coming out shaky as she did so. The woman had figured out that she was pregnant.

Nikki nodded her head, "I have two children," she said before frowning. "Had.." she corrected herself feeling a pang in her heart as she thought of Everett. "Did you get pregnant before or after all of this?" she asked as her mind went to Kate who she had known was pregnant. Now Kate's baby would never see life thanks to the CDC blowing up.

"After," Jacey whispered as she felt tears in her eyes. "Miller doesn't even know yet. I can't bring myself to tell him. He'll just think it's a bad thing. He never even wanted a baby when the world was okay. But all it took was one time of comforting me over things and I'm pregnant."

"All it ever takes is one time," Nikki chuckled as she reached out and rubbed Jacey's back. "At least you have us and soon we may have a safe place to raise a baby."

Jacey shrugged, "Is anywhere safe anymore?" she asked as she raised an eyebrow. "I don't think so."

Nikki went silent before looking down, "Maybe one day," she said wanting to remain hopeful. "You shouldn't worry so much or stress so much though. It's bad for the baby," she said as she reached over and took Jacey's hands in her own. "And if Miller freaks out well..you have me on your side."

"Why are you being so nice to me? Jacey asked as Nikki took a hold of her hands. "I know I agreed to let you come with us but you barely know me."

"You remind me of two people I lost," Nikki said as she locked eyes with Jacey. "My sister-in-law Kate who was pregnant and then my other sister-in-law Avery. You kind of look like Avery."

Jacey gave a tiny smile at Nikki's last words, "I get that I look like people a lot."

Nikki nodded and let go of Jacey's hand, "I should head to bed now since we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow..but just remember what I said. I'm here for you and think positive."

"I'll try," Jacey stated as she watched Nikki walk off. Standing from where she had been sitting she walked to where Miller was curled up behind the main desk asleep. Smiling down at him she bent down and soon laid beside him. She was happy about this pregnancy even if she was unsure they'd find a safe place but she just worried about Miller's reaction and she also couldn't help but be sad at everyone who was missing her having a baby. Her brother Dean..her parents...Miller's family. People the world had taken from them.

Closing her eyes she knew she needed to try to sleep too and Harry was doing watch tonight. She trusted Harry and he seemed to adjust well when it came to shooting guns.
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Luna came and sat next to Harry at the doors were Harry was doing watch for the night. "How come you aren't with Louis?" she asked curiously knowing he spent most nights with him while someone else did watch.

"I just wanted a change," Harry answered as he shrugged before turning to face Luna. "Why do you care?"

"Because it's obvious that Louis loves you and I don't want to see him hurt," Luna stated as she locked eyes with Harry.

Harry kept Luna's gaze as he sighed, "No one said I was going to hurt Louis," he stated not sure why she had even said what she did. He didn't think he would hurt Louis.

"Do you love him?" Luna again asked a question her eyebrow lifting some. "If you don't that's going to hurt him."

Harry finally looked away from Luna, "Louis knows what we have is strictly for comfort," he defended feeling as if he didn't even have too. Louis knew how things were. He had always known. It had been Louis who set the terms of things when they started fucking.

"That doesn't mean that didn't stop him from falling in love," Luna stated as she looked outside. "I had a relationship like that once and I fell in love."

"What happened?" Harry asked curiously.

Luna looked as she frowned, thinking of what happened to Milo. "He turned on the first day of all of this mess. Made me realize you should tell the ones you love how you feel before it's too late."

At Luna's words Harry went silent and looked away from her. He wasn't sure how he felt about Louis though he did know he cared about him a lot. "I don't know if I love him," he admitted still looking away. "But I do care for him."

"Do you think caring is enough?" Luna asked noticing Harry was unable to keep looking at her. "Do you think Louis would be okay with just you caring for him? I mean surely you know he has fallen in love?"

"I do know he has fallen in love," Harry confirmed finally looking at Luna again. "I know he has and I never meant for him too. I don't get why he has fallen for me. I'm just sixteen and I'm confused and the world has gone to hell. I don't even know how I feel about everything from one day too the next, especially how I feel about Louis."

Luna just gave Harry a smile, "He loves you because you are sweet and compassionate and you give him love," she said as she shook her head. "He doesn't care that you're confused. He loves you regardless of that, but if you can never return that than you need to tell him Harry."

"Maybe I can return it some day," Harry nodded as he tried to smile. "I mean the thought of losing him scares me shitless so maybe that means I can love him some day."

"For his sake I hope you can," Luna said as she frowned some. She was afraid if he couldn't that Louis would allow himself to die and she didn't want that, not when she and Louis had became friends, not when she herself may have liked Louis but wasn't doing anything because it was apparent who had his heart already.

"I should go to bed now but just think of what I said," Luna nodded as she stood up and went to where her Grandmother was sleeping.

After Luna walked away, Harry sighed and leaned against the wall. He was still confused but he knew that Luna had a point. "I can love Louis," he told himself knowing he'd try. He'd try to do it because Louis deserved it, they both did but especially Louis because no one deserved to be used just for sex.

"But what if I'm not even gay?" Harry once again mused out loud before frowning. Didn't he also owe to Louis to figure that out too? What if he meet some girl he fell for? Even if the odds were against that since hardly no other survivors seemed to be around. It was like the whole population had been wiped away.