Motherhood - Billie Eilish

chapter 14

Tories POV:

"Billie I don't know about this anymore.." I said anxiously as I tried not to pick at my freshly done manicure. "Baby, they'll like you. On god, my mom will probably hug you the moment you walk in." She laughed.

We were parked outside billies childhood home. I took up on that offer and decided to come see her family. They seem sweet by the way she speaks of them, especially her mom. Madeline was here too. She's friendly with anyone and everyone.

"Look at me," she took my face and made me look at her. "you're good, okay? Its gonna be fine." She assured me. I nodded and exhaled as she got out of the car. I slowly unbuckled my seat belt as she shut the door and went to take maddy out of her carseat. Im not sure why I'm so anxious. I guess its because I haven't really got friends and family here, apart for billie of course.

I got out of the car and grabbed madelines diaper bag while billie held maddy in her arms. I was basically shaking as we walked up to the front door. She had a really beautiful home if im being honest. Billie opened the door that was unlocked and walked in, shutting it behind us.

"Hi, mom." Billie called out. The next thing you know, an older red headed woman walked towards us from another room in an apron. "Hi, hun!" She said and wrapped her arms around billie. "Who are these lovely ladies?" She asked looking at me then at my daughter. "Mom, this is my close friend torie and her daughter madeline." Billie introduced us.

"Hi." I spoke shyly. "Hi lovely. You and your daughter are both so beautiful." She said and hugged me. I guess billie was right. I thanked her and billie grinned softly as she pulled back. "Im making vegan crispy jackfruit bites and fries. You're both more than welcome to stay." Billies mom said. "Oh n-" I was cut off by billie, "they'd love to, wouldn't you madeline?" Billie asked the baby in her arms. Maddy nodded only because billie said it. Stuck up baby.

"Is finneas here?" Billie asked her mother. "Yeah hun, he's in his room." She smiled. Billie turned to me and smirked, "I want you to meet my brother." She said excitedly and took my hand, bringing both me and my daughter up the hallway. I laughed as she was so eager to show me her sibling. Billie handed maddy to me and bursted into the room, making a red headed boy scream. I couldn't help but cover my mouth and turn away as I laughed.

"Finneas look, my friend is here." She said grabbing his face with both hands and making him look at me and maddy. I continued laughing as he sat confused. "Hi." I giggled. "Hi, im- billie get your hands off of me," he slapped her hands away and looked at me properly, "-im finneas." he grinned. "Torie. And this is madeline." I introduced us.

"This is torie? The girl you call 'hotter than putting cheetos up your ass'? And the girl you're always telling me about on faceti-" Billie cut him off with a dramatic gasp and slapped her hand over his mouth. "I never said any of that he's a compulsive liar." Billie said with her lips pressed in a straight line.

I was laughing uncontrollably at this point. I don't know what was so funny but whatever it was made my day.

———

"No finneas i don't like how I sound in that, show her something else!" Billie yelled at finneas, causing him to laugh at her and scroll further on his computer. Me and billie were sitting on his bed while he was sat at his computer.

I had already had dinner with billies mom, dad and brother. They're all very sweet and I see where billie gets her humor and compassion from. I had heard billie sing a few words to an unknown song a while ago and basically begged her to show me something she and her brother had made. I know they write together as shes spoke of it a few times, but I never heard anything that was recorded.

"We never finished an entire song apart from that one there." She said and pointed to a song that was labeled 'Male Fantasy'. "Can I hear it?" I asked. She looked at her brother and nodded. Finneas had clicked a few buttons and turned up the volume before music was ejecting from the speakers.

The little tune at the start made madeline dance and clap her hands. "Pretty song so far, huh?" I asked her and poked her side gently, making her giggle.

Home alone, trying not to eat
Distract myself with pornography
I hate the way she looks at me

I listened carefully and glanced at billie a couple times, seeing her eyes glossed over as she sat staring at the screen.

I cant stand the dialogue
she would never be,
that satisfied its a male fantasy
Im going back to therapy

Cause I loved you then, and I love you now
And i don't know how
Guess it's hard to know,
when nobody else comes around

I couldn't control the stray tears that had fell down my cheeks as I listened. Billie noticed and leaned over to wipe them. She smiled softly as she dried my face with her khaki hoodie and carefully interlaced our fingers. I looked down at our hands and back up at her as she watched the screen again.

I got a call from a girl I used to know
We were inseparable years ago
Thought we'd get along but it wasn't so
And it's all I think about when I'm behind the wheel
I worry this is how I'm always gonna feel
But nothing lasts, I know the deal

Billie exhaled sharply at that part and rubbed her thumb over the back of my hand. The song had ended and and the room was silent for a moment, everyone stuck in thought.

"Did you like it?" Billie asked. I came out of my daze and looked at her, "hm?" I asked. "The song, do you like it?" She repeated. "I really, really love it. It hit some place in my heart and like, made it ache." I told her and she nodded, understanding where I was coming from.

"Billie cried while recording it." Finneas said. Billie grabbed a guitar pick and threw it at his head making him gasp. "No the fuck i didn't. I don't cry." She said and slumped back against the bed, our hands departing from one another.

———

"I really loved hearing your song, billie." I reminded her as I unlocked my front door. "Really?" She asked. I confirmed and saw the cute smile showcased across her face. "You wanna come in?" I asked. "Nah I probably shouldn't, I got laundry to do. Come to mine if you want though." She smiled as she leaned against the doorframe.

"I'll think about it." I said and saw her gleam. All went sorta silent as we looked at eachother. It never seems to be uncomfortable when this happens, which is surprising.

"Well I gotta go, bye torie." She mumbled and looked down at my lips.

"Night billie." I replied.

She met eyes with me and tucked some hair behind my ear before tracing my face once more, then walking away.