Motherhood - Billie Eilish

chapter 40

Tories POV:

I woke up exhausted from last night, almost forgetting it was my birthday for a second. That was until I saw a few messages on my phone. Opening them one by one, a small smile sat on my face.

Mom
Happy birthday my love,
I wish I could be here to celebrate with
you😢 your gift is in the mail on the
way to you💕 i love you honey

Hannah
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL
I LOVE YOU AND I HOPE YOU
ENJOY YOUR DAYYYY!!!!!!
IM SO SAD I CANT SPEND IT WITH
YOU:( HAVE THE BEST DAY

Chelsea
HEY BIRTHDAY BITCH
HAPPY 20th CUTIE💗
Me and the girls still coming over
later so don't forget! Love u sis!!<3

I smiled at the sweet messages I woke up to, replying to them all one by one. I got out of bed and tiptoed to madelines room to wake her up.

"Hi baby." I whispered as turned on her bedroom light. She yawned and kept her eyes closed as I picked her up. "Excuse me i said hello!" I said tickling her. She squirmed around and laughed as her eyes opened up a little.

"Lets get breakfast." I said to her and sat her in her high chair. I cracked a few eggs into a bowl and whisked them thoroughly. I grabbed cinnamon and sugar and the bread. Both me and madeline love French toast so why not make it.

I put the bread in the pan and let it cook. While doing so I grabbed madeline a little cup of juice and made myself a cup of tea.

I don't want any stupid little tears today. I wanna be happy. Whether I feel happy or not, im gonna put on a smile.

"Momma!" Madeline called pointing to the french toast I was cutting for her. "I know, baby. You're hungry." I said softly as I put the plate on front of her. She smiled big showing her 6 little teeth. Two small ones on the top, four on the bottom.

I grabbed a slice for me and sat down with it and my tea. I took a shaky breath in as I broke off a piece to eat. Eating has gotten a little less scary. Its more the throwing up part that scares me.

But I did it. I managed to eat the entire slice without feeling sick. I was so proud of myself. I could barely eat the food I ordered yesterday with hannah. But I actually finished this without even feeling slightly ill.

I drank my tea and put me and madelines dishes in the sink before taking her from her highchair. It was already like 1 p.m. I slept heavy last night I guess.

I excitedly brought us to my bedroom and turned the TV on for maddy while I picked out our clothes for today. Finding maddys was easy, it was more mine that took time and effort.

I eventually found a nice outfit and layed our clothes out on my bed. I grabbed a towel and brought it to the bathroom, laying it nicely on the little table we have in there. I filled up the bath tub with hot water and put a pink bath bomb in from bath & bodyworks i had been meaning to use.

So far the day has been good. The only good day I've had for quite a while. With the whole breakup thing I've just been so depressed. And I think what hurt most is that I was finally happy with billie. I hadn't been happy in so long after madeline died and never wanted to date again. Having this newborn baby I had no clue on how to take care of was so stressful but finally life is kind of at peace.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss billie and desperately want her back. Because I definitely do. God, I miss her so so much. Just knowing her door is just a few down from mine makes my heart race a little. I wonder if she ever misses me like I miss her.