Life behind a photograph

Chapter 28 | Part II

Abigail

Time goes by soon but my thoughts are still the same. Have I really caused the mini stroke Bianca had? My decisions? Were they that bad?

Her argument was that I barely knew Ash. And that's partly true. I don't know her parents, just that she moved to LA alone at a young age. Della seemed to have grown up fine though. And what she did back in Canada doesn't matter to me. Right?

Maybe one is not supposed to move in with someone as soon as they start dating but the situation called it. I was practically homeless and Ash happened to own a huge house that she barely resided in.

Is this how everyone feels? That I'm stupid for having given in to Ash? One of the biggest womanizers in Hollywood. And the woman who hasn't been in a serious relationship ever? Doubts flood my mind about this whole thing.

I think back to the first big fight we had only a week after dating. Will the future hold more of those? How will I ever survive? And the worst of it all, not being with Ash scares me. Scares me to the point where I wake up everyday and immediately reach out to the space next to me on the bed to see if she was actually there while I'm half sleep. Relief soothes me only for me to wake up scared the next day. If she is gone for more than three hours the whole house feels empty, and if she hasn't called me in less than an hour I don't rest until she does. And when we fight I'm more sad than angry and I count the seconds as I wait till the time one of decides to make up once again.

I don't if this is what love is. But if it is, it's scary as heck.

Della and Tyler went out to get lunch after trying to persuade me to join them for ten whole minutes. But I couldn't even think of eating right now. Even though the doctors said it was a small stroke and there's no danger at all now or in the future, I can't help feeling anxious.

Alex was in the room with her and I wasn't yet called inside.

The guilt I was feeling right now was immense to the point where I wanted cry. Bianca has always been with me even through the smallest migraine. But I had missed being here for her and my friends last night. I hear the door open and I stand up immediately. Alex walks towards me, her hands in her pockets and an unimpressed look on her face.

Alex has always been the one with the quickest fuse among our friends. But she had the sweetest temper with Bianca and I don't blame her for feeling that way about me. She coughs and sits next to me on the steel set of chairs.

"She'll wake up in five minutes or so and she'll talk to you." Alex says.

"Okay. Thank you." I say, leaning forward and joining my hands together.

"It wasn't your fault I think." she says. "Bianca tends to worry about others way too much."

"She doesn't have to worry about me though. I'm happy Alex. I'm the happiest I've ever been. Ash is not perfect and yes she makes me mad, sad and totally fucked up sometimes. But I don't care. Cause that's how she normally is and was and I can't expect her to change for me as soon as this. But I can feel her changing. I know she cares for me, or I wouldn't be in this relationship. And us moving in together is no different than me moving in with another roommate. She just happens to be my girlfriend."

"It's not that simple Abigail. She's not just your average person. I know her okay? And what the public hears of celebrities like her is only quarter of who they actually are. I'm in the same industry as her and I've heard things."

"What she did before me doesn't concern me, Alex. And I don't want to ruin my good opinion of her by hearing what you have to say so please don't enlighten me. If she does something as bad as you say in the future, do you think I'll put up with it? I'm not easy either."