Nothing You've Come To Expect - Alex Turner

20. the fairytale was climbing up a mountain far too steep

Warning: smutty end.

I turn around with my mouth open.
"I'm in love with you, Anna," Alex remarks with more confidence. His eyes and their liquid darkness, brilliant puddles after summer rain, are straight on mine.
I move my mouth trying to say something but nothing comes out. A rollercoaster of emotions is speeding back and forth between my heart and my brain, twirling and jumping and dropping.
He steps closer and takes my hand.

"Don't you see? I've been falling for you since I met you, there in that little corner, on that settee with that book. Maybe it wasn't love at first sight: it took a full five minutes." His smile tells me he tried to make a cute joke to ease the tension, but I'm still just standing there looking at him stunned by his words, speechless.

"Look, that is a thing that I never say lightly. And never this soon. But I've felt like that for some time now. I was confused by how soon I felt it, so I hesitated. I didn't want to sound inauthentic or rushed." Still holding my hand, he pulls it against his chest, bringing me closer.
"But I need you to know now, because just the thought of you not trusting me or not wanting to be with me because of that one fucked up thing fucking kills me, love. I can't even fathom the idea of loosing you. Here, I spilled the unspillable beans. Please, I don't want a thing of the past ruin a good thing."
"Oh...I..." I can't fucking think. This should be the best thing in the world, just what I wanted, right? In my imagination I would jump at him, hug him and kiss him and tell him that I love him too.
The truth is that it's fucking terrifying.

Alex scratches his temple laughing nervously. "I can't just go on making drunken monologues, please say something."
I take my eyes off him, overwhelmed by the emotions. I fix my hair behind my ear. "Oh, I- I don't know..."
"Not exactly the reaction that I expected..." he says, sounding a bit disheartened.
I squeeze his hand. "I'm sorry, let me just...oh fuck..."
"I was under the impression that you had feelings for me...I mean, you said-"
"I do!" I say quickly, interrupting him.

"Alex..." I cup his face looking steady in his eyes. "I love you too." I stroke his cheek with my thumb. "I love you so fucking much, you have no idea. I loved you even before meeting you. Ti amo." I see the crease between his brows smoothing over and his sweet smile appearing on his lips. I kiss them one at a time. He takes me into his arms, responding to my kiss and I let him squeeze me tight.

We stand hugging in the middle of the living room for an uncountable amount of time. The only sounds in the room are our breathing and our heartbeats.
"You're not loosing me. No fucking way. But this is scary." I confess.
"I know that it seems a little too much too soon. I, too, am confounded by this."
"That is one thing."
"The other thing is that you don't trust me." He sits on the couch with his elbows on his thigs, his arms falling between them.

I sit right next to him, my body turned slightly towards him. "It isn't that I don't trust you, baby. I wouldn't trust anyone at this point in my life. And you're not just anyone. Remember what I said before about what's around you?"
"Yes, I do. And do you remember what I replied?" He says looking up to me, "It doesn't define me. We talked about this."
"It makes me nervous. I can't help it."
"I know what you're thinking: he did it before, he'll do it again, and he has it easy. Once again, you know me, I'm not that kind of guy. At that moment I was a very unhappy person who fucked up."

I think for a moment. "You two seemed happy."
"We were, until we weren't anymore. Something wasn't working. That was a love like an ache in the jaw. It was a storm: it came, it got intense, overwhelming us with its energy. I tought it was it....that she was the one, you know? But then the storm moved away, leaving a mess behind. This is...this is different."
He always makes fun of me for moving my hands a lot when I talk, but he does it too without realizing.