The Stella I Remember

43| Saving Grace

Two Weeks Later

Ten days.

That's how long it's been since I moved in with Elliot. What I loved most about my new home was how our things mixed together so perfectly. Our toothbrushes were side by side in the little gray holder. His cologne that I loved so much as standing next to the perfume that always had him burying his face in my neck before kissing me senseless.

Then there was the bed. I slept on the left side and he slept on the right. Of course we usually ended up spooning or I would fall asleep on his chest, but still...I loved all of it. I even loved the way Elliot complained about me stealing all the covers. Or how he would respond when I wanted to be intimate in the middle of the night.

Then there was the best change of all: our two new roommates.

We were all still feeling the loss of Abby, and having Poppy and Marcus here was a blessing. Sometimes Marcus would go days without eating and I would have to nag him until he ate something. Elliot would close himself off from us, spending hours on the porch staring off into the trees. Whenever he was like that, I would go out there and stroke his hair for a few minutes. That way he would know that I was there for him and he wasn't alone. He would wrap his arm around my thigh and stroke my skin before I would leave to give him his privacy.

Then there was me.

The grief tended to hit me unawares. I would be doing something like cooking or taking a shower when the tears started—and when they did there was no stopping them. Elliot was usually around for that and would hold me until it passed. The times where he wasn't around for it were the worst. I would cry so hard, unable to find a way to stop. But eventually I would.

The only thing that really helped any of us get through the day was Poppy. She was the light that pulled us from the darkness of our grief. Staring down into her green eyes was a saving grace.

Like now, for instance, I was sitting in the rocking chair in our bedroom with Poppy on my lap. She looked up at me, transfixed by the necklace Abby gave me while I rocked us back and forth. I was on babysitting duty while Elliot helped Marcus take some of his stuff to a storage unit.

It was my idea to have Marcus and Poppy stay here with us. Having them here after Abby passed just felt right. I didn't want them to leave. I brought up the idea to Elliot and he agreed.

Poppy squealed in my lap and it made me smile. I couldn't help but think about how innocent she was as I watched her. She was untainted by the horrors of reality and the outside world. Even though she wasn't my blood, I would give anything to protect her.

I got up from the rocking chair when her eyes started drooping and laid her in the pink and white bassinet that Elliot and I bought when she and Marcus moved in. Marcus of course had the one he and Abby got from her baby shower in his room.

Setting up the makeshift nursery in Marcus' room here was rough. The three of us did it together—each of us excusing ourselves from the room when our emotions got the best of us. Setting up the crib was probably the hardest part.

I was with Poppy in the kitchen when I heard the yelling. Every instinct in my body told me to go and try to help them through whatever was happening. But I didn't take a step. For one, Poppy was asleep in my arms and she didn't need to hear any of that—whether she understood or not. And the other reason was because I knew that when Marcus got into those emotional states, Elliot was the only one who could bring him down.

I sighed at the memory and turned on the music box that Poppy loved to fall asleep to. The music box that Abby had since she was a little girl. It was like Poppy knew it was her mom's.