Ultimate Bagginshield Collection

198: One-shot

Author: airebellah

An Unexpected Proposal   

   "You should know, my lad, that this is not merely about a quest to slay a dragon."

   Bilbo could not stop a shudder at mention of such a creature,  yet continued to stare determinedly into his cup of chamomile tea. He  was holding out for the somewhat hysterical hope that if he ignored  Gandalf enough, the wizard would simply give up and disappear. 

   "I made a promise to your mother, before she passed."

   The mention of Belladonna had Bilbo's head jerking up. Any  promise that his mother could have extracted from a wizard - well, it  just couldn't be good.

   "And?" he prompted, tiring of Gandalf's dramatic pauses.

   "I promised your mother I would find you a husband."

   "W-        what?"       Bilbo spluttered, pushing his tea aside as he leapt from his armchair. "I - how could you - who would I even -"

   "Why, Thorin Oakenshield, of course," Gandalf answered with a far too smug smile.

        "Thorin Oaken-"       Bilbo cut himself off, glancing out the open doorway lest he be  overhead. He continued with a hissed whisper, "You mean the one who  called me a         grocer       earlier?"

   Gandalf shrugged a grey-cloaked shoulder as he pulled out his pipe. "Some may focus on the fact that I am proposing you marry a         king,       but yes, there is that as well."

   "I don't care two figs if he's a king! He's a complete and utter arse and -"

   "And I happen to know he finds you very attractive," Gandalf interjected.

   Bilbo laughed drily, completely ignoring how the thought already made his toes want to curl into his plush rug. "It doesn't         matter       what he thinks," Bilbo replied with forced composure. "Because I'm not doing it!"

   He was doing it.

   He was going to marry a dwarf king.

   Well, it wasn't all decided yet, exactly. Somehow Gandalf had  convinced him, not only to become this doomed company's fourteenth  member         (burglar,       no less), but to see if he and Thorin would be a good match.

        That's all I'm asking,       Gandalf had said with a smirk that said so much more.         You are already coming along on the quest. There is no harm in trying! It would make your mother so happy.  

   Bilbo sighed, not for the first time, at Thorin's back as it  swayed back and forth. The king and his pony were at the front of the  group, fifty metres from Bilbo, who was at the very back. Alongside  Gandalf, whom the hobbit was thus far unable to shake off. Blast it all.

   "For someone who supposedly finds me attractive," Bilbo  whispered to his excessively tall companion, "And is considering  marrying me, he's doing a bloody fantastic job of pretending I don't  exist!"

   "You must remember that you are not among hobbits, my dear lad," Gandalf replied. Because he         always       had a bloody reply. "Dwarves approach courtships much differently."

   "Oh?" Bilbo found himself intrigued, as much as he hated to admit it.

   "Have you even tried making yourself known to him?" the wizard pressed.