These Three Years (Raura)

twenty

Ross

Back. Finally. I've waited for so long for this moment, for this time to finally come again, when I'm filled with joy and happiness. I kind of wish that it came faster, but it doesn't matter, what matters is that I'm with her, and I'm happy.

But then again, I'm me, and I'm bound to mess something up, because nothing with me can ever be perfect. Hell, it seems like the only time I'm ever happy is with Laura or playing music. It's unhealthy really, that I can't be happy anymore, so I'm hoping being with Laura can change that.

We went out to dinner together last night, to kind of just spend some time together, but it felt like something wasn't there. It felt like despite everything we'd gone through, fate was telling us that this was wrong and that we aren't supposed to be here, with each other.

I'm not sure if she noticed it, but surely it was there, and it hung around in the air like unwanted germs. Was it that there are other people that want to be with both of us? Is it that the world hates me so much that it has to make me second guess my happiness like it's not meant to be there.

What is happiness? Laura, music, the band, and I guess that's it, that's all that happiness can be for me. How unfair. Did I do something to deserve limitless depression, or is that just a phase?

"Ross, you've been up there all morning, come downstairs," Riker's voice shattered through my door. I squeezed my eyes, not sure if I wanted to reply. My respopnse was at the tip of my tounge, but it failed to escape my lips, I wouldn't answer - I didn't need too.

"Ross?" Riker called again. How pointless, didn't he know he was wasting his time? "Ross, mom's calling the doctor, something isn't right with you," Riker announced, and my lips opened, wanting to yell, to reject, to say no, but my response is tiny, and one of a coward. "Okay," my own voice sickens me. I want Laura, I need Laura, just bring me Laura.

I want to say I'm depressed, and that I only see happiness through Laura and music, but I'm not sure of that yet, and I'm not sure I ever will be. "Ross, Laura's here," Riker said thorugh my door and I immediately sat up. "Send her in," I said almost to quietly to hear myself. I heard the angel's voice conversing with Riker, and that itself made me flinch.

My door squeaked open to reveal a very tired looking Laura. "Hi," I said quietly. A soft smile danced across her face as if she had just seen the sun set in Southern California. "Hey," she responded, laying beside me on my bed, wrapping her arms around me. I breathed in deeply, making sure I was still alive.

"You okay?" she asked quietly. I shrugged. It's the fame, I have too much, I'm too lucky, I don't deserve anything of what I have, especially Laura. "Ross, what's going on," Laura asked softly. I tthink she really cares, and I care too much to tell her the truth.

"Ross, you can tell me anything, I swear, I won't tell anyone," Laura spoke. The money, the fame, the rumors, the parties, the after parties, the concerts, the drinking,  the countless hours of meet and greets, buying things I don't need, loosing the same girl over and over again.

Who would have thought that once I finally catch her again, that it makes me realize what an awful person I am, and it tears everything I've built up for myself. I have so much, too much, and I don't deserve any of it.

Not the fame, not the fortune, and surely not the girl.

There's no way in hell someone like me deserves someone like her. Everything I've done, it's all pointless. Who am I to think I'm making a difference?

Worthless, that's all.

Worthless, depressed, and not worthy, but worst of all, in love.

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i cried. poor ross.

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sorry for the late update...

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haileexoxo