pink! - remus lupin

epilogue

THERE WERE ONLY THREE INSTANCES IN REMUS LUPIN'S LIFE IN WHICH HIS BREATH HAD STOPPED SHORT. The first was when Dumbledore showed up to his family's little Welsh cottage, a couple months after his eleventh birthday, and told him he would be allowed to attend Hogwarts. The second was when Stella's breath had stopped too, only hers didn't start back up again.

The third was on a pleasantly warm day in July of 1997, watching a pink-haired woman walk down their makeshift aisle to him.

If you had asked Remus in June of 1976 who that pink-haired woman would've been, he'd tell you Stella McLeod without a second thought. That woman wasn't Stella, but her hair was still pink, and the world was still trying to take everything from him.

The first time Remus Lupin's breath stopped short, it was because of surprise. The second, it was because of a shocking wave of fear. The third time, it was because Nymphadora Tonks looked so damn beautiful, and she wanted him forever.

Stella would've laughed, he thought. He'd still saved a seat at the back of the already almost empty set-up for her, hoping maybe her spirit would show up to watch the happy (and maybe a bit fear-induced) union. He still had that damn cat that never seemed to get old, he still had a scarred face and a fear of the full moon. He still walked down that street sometimes, to cry and sit at the intersection where her life stopped, and his didn't.

His life didn't stop and he was getting married.

They say you never really get over your first love, and maybe that's true. Maybe it's true that Remus still thinks of her often, and that he partly fell for Tonks because her hair looked a bit like Stella's. Tonks knew this well, and she was okay with being his second love (she secretly thought she might be his third and Stella his second, chocolate did come before both of them, after all), okay with helping him through the nightmares and reminding him he was safe when large amounts of pink flooded his vision.

Nymphadora Tonks was perfect, and he couldn't wait to marry her. So what if he had a thing for falling for pink-haired women in the middle of wars in which they were easily targets. He's getting married to the second one, so it must be working out for him in some way.

He glanced nervously at the few guests they'd invited to the quiet ceremony. Andromeda and Ted just smiled back at him, the empty seats for the deceased sat silently, and Soleil pranced up to softly nestle against his feet. He wasn't sure if his nerves calmed or got so intense that he just felt numb as Tonks arrived at their little altar, but he couldn't have cared less, he knew that they loved each other.

They didn't have an officiant for the marriage, but they had magic and witnesses, so it was enough for vows. Selfishly, Remus had also been working on the vows for an embarrassingly long time, and he didn't want them to go to waste. He sighed as he unfolded the paper he'd written them on with trembling hands, laughing breathily with the struggle. When he finally got it, he started speaking.

"Dora," he smiled at her, "I never thought I'd be getting married in the middle of a war, that our guests would be two people and a 20-year-old cat. I never thought I'd meet you-" a tear rolled down his cheek "- but I'm endlessly glad that I did. From the day I met you, you've been the sunshine this dark world always seems to be lacking, and despite my initial reluctance, I've wanted to bask in your light every single day. Never stop shining, my love. Never, Merlin please, never let me live in the dark again."

Silent tears rolled down their faces as he spoke, his scarred and hers ever-changing. She raised her hand to his face, brushing her thumb against his cheekbone to wipe away a tear. "I won't," she whispered, and Remus had never heard a promise sound so true.

Tonks lowered her hand after a moment to start reading her own vows, glancing at the pen-inked words hastily written on her wrist before her steady voice sounded out in their corner of the forest behind her parents' house.

"Remus John Lupin," she giggled at his full name, "how did I get so lucky? Genuinely asking, by the way, the past few years have been a blur of getting rid of Volde-bitches and loving you. I've loved you when we were both scared of it, I've loved you when it was easy, I love you now and I will love you for the rest of forever. 'Til death do us part, Remus, but even in death, I will love you with every single thing I have."

They grasped each other's hands tightly, looking out to Dora's smiling parents. Maybe the world was a little scary and bound to separate them from each other eventually, maybe Remus still loved a girl he dated for five months twenty years prior and maybe this wedding was all so that they could be sure they wouldn't die alone, but they were happy for themselves and in love.

Love, ripping his heart from his chest and messily putting it back. Love, giving him the world and the stars. Love, seeping through all of his pores as he kissed her. Love, for chocolate and for Stella and for the brothers he missed deeply. Love, for his wife who loved him despite all the reasons not to. Love, for a world not quite like the one in which he loses everything. Stupid fucking love, having control over every damn thing he's ever done.

When they pulled away from the kiss, Remus looked at his new wife then out at their audience again. He looked at Ted and Andromeda, who looked like they needed this as much as he did. He looked at the black cat who'd found her place in a seat next to them, looking youthful as ever even after all this time. He looked at the empty seats — for Sirius, for James, for Lily. For Marlene and Dorcas who'd died to keep each other, for Frank and Alice who weren't quite gone. For his parents who'd loved him before and after he became a lycanthrope. For everyone who'd died for him to be alive that day, he looked to the empty seats.

When his eyes passed over them, though, Remus could've sworn he saw the seat he'd saved at the back for Stella — his first love, his first heartbreak, his star — shine pink.

~~~

hey besties. it's been a while! wish i could say the radio silence is because i've been living my life but honestly i'm writing this as my life is actually getting busy again. stress writing for u! i know it's been WAYYY too long since i've updated but i hope y'all will forgive me. maybe not for killing stella. But Maybe For The Angst.

i love you all for sticking around to read this. i love all of you for loving ella and rem as much as i do. thank you for being a part of this with me.

love always, ali <3

(p.s. if anyone has any questions for me or the characters that appear in pink! please comment them here!! i might do a lil q&a thing just to bring closure to some loose ends if any of you want that. mwah!)