Smevy

5

Grya didn't come back, nor was she found. I was glad for that, of course, but I'd still lost my best friend. I took to wandering the countryside, smiling at wildlife and marveling at old relics of the past like wifi towers and malls, now swallowed by wildlife. Birds soared through broken windows, their nests visible among the concrete and metal. I never got very close- they were very, very old after all, and who knew if they'd fall on my head -but those sites were among my favorites to visit. It was like seeing a window into the past, and I loved to imagine what they used to be like. When cars and trucks weren't pulled by horses and cows, running off some kind of explosive material that somehow made them move forward.

Then I told my parents about it and they said that it was too dangerous, and, knowing they had a good point, I obeyed. Instead, I only stuck in the forests, but even that got boring after a while, so I started spending more time with my siblings. It had been six months since I burnt Grya's letter.

I quickly realized that Purplewing was the most open-minded. She talked about other ways of living like it was perfectly normal, often getting in trouble with our parents, which is why I eventually decided to confide in her. I was nervous about it, of course, but in the end... I had to know that I wasn't crazy, and the only place I could get those reassurances was with Purplewing.

"Purp," I said, coming up to her one day after breakfast. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Is it fast?" She asked, glancing at the door. "We're due for helping dad with the wheat."

"Oh yeah," I said, my face falling.

She frowned. "You know what, dad can wait. Grayheart works enough for both of us."

I smiled at that. Grayheart, now nearly 19, was easily the best in the fields, with a relentless focus and implacably direct work ethic. She never seemed to get tired, often skipping meals until her portion of the job had been done, which was often two or three times greater than the rest of us, even dad and Baritone, who was now almost 20.

Purplewing guided us to a distant corner of the house, a dark spot by the bedroom she shared with the other girls. "So, what is it you wanted to tell me, Joseph?"

"That's...actually part of it," I replied, nervously turning my hands over themselves, a habit I'd picked up a few months prior. "I don't feel comfortable with the name sometimes."

"You're a girl every once in a while, aren't you?" She said softly, her purple eyes filled with so much compassion that my anxiety slightly released its grip on my heart. "Yeah," I said. "How did you know?"

"I could tell," she responded, then smiled. "Plus I saw you trying on one of my dresses."

I cursed, and Purplewing giggled. "It was so funny when it fell off!"

I blushed. Though by now you couldn't really tell, because my skin was nearly as red as my parents, the horns starting to sprout from my forehead. "Yeah, I thought maybe yours would fit better than Mckayla's, but..."

"Not really," she finished. "Dresses are fickle things- they're supposed to hug you, at least a little." Her eyes grew dim. "I used to watch the great ladies walk through the streets in their dresses. My goodness- those were dresses! They were all kinds, though my favorite were the ones that fell to the ground and almost dragged behind them. Sometimes there were silk flowers sewn in the shoulders or hips, or a lot of little ones in weird patterns." Her eyes cleared. "But I was too far away to see for sure."

"When was this?" I asked curiously. "I thought mom found you in a little village."

She pursed her lips nervously. "Forget I said that. Please."

Suddenly I thought of something- something devious, but maybe it would make sure she didn't say something by accident. "Only if you promise not to tell anyone about my secret."

She smiled bitterly. "Huh. I didn't know you had it in you, Joseph."

"Smevy, please," I said, "When we're alone."

"Smevy." She sounded the word aloud, looking like she was tasting each syllable. "What does it mean?"

"It was on one of the boxes in Mr. Smith's boxes," I said without thinking. "Grya told me about it. She always used to tell me about it."

"You guys went into their basement?"

"Not exactly...oh, forget it, you know everything already." I told her about how Grya had been locked in the Smith's basement for half her life, and about the letter I'd found.

"Woah," said Purplewing, sounding impressed. "Why didn't you tell me about all of this?"

"Mom told me not to tell anyone."

"Mom knew about this?"

"And probably dad."

"I guess so- they're supposed to tell each other everything."

"Yeah, and she said she would."

"Oh, okay." She glanced down the hall, then said in a low voice. "What pronouns do you prefer? I can't use them when anyone else is around, but when we're alone-"

"Thank you!" I said loudly. We both looked furtively down the hall, but I think mostly everyone was in the fields, while mom must have been too far away to hear.

"Sorry," I muttered, "it's just that, yeah, he/him bothers me a lot when I'm all girl. Usually I'm fine with either, but about a third of the time I absolutely hate it."

"So would you like me to call you she/her when you're a girl?"

"Yes please." I paused, feeling like I was floating. I was so happy- finally, someone respected who I was. Not only that, but Purplewing was even going to call me she/her and the name I liked.

Then she made it even better.

"You know, I could make you a dress. You couldn't wear it when anyone else is around, of course, but maybe when you're out roaming..."

"Yes please!" I exclaimed. "I love it!"

She smiled so widely that I was afraid she would pop her jaw out of her socket. "Awesome! Thank you Jo- Smevy. I promise that you'll love it!"

I smiled, laughed, and threw myself at her, surprising her so much that her wings tried to extend. "Oof!"

"Oh, sorry!" I pulled away and she straightened, twitching her wings a little to test them. "It's alright- nothing's broken."

"Whew." The smile wasn't gone- in fact, it had only gotten wider. "Thank you Purp! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"