Smevy

9

"What's that?"

"That really depends on the person," said The Traveler. "For you, it means you switch between being male, female, and a combination of the two, and that's usually what it is, but some people might gravitate towards one or the other."

"It doesn't have to be male and female either," he said. "It can be any two genders."

"There's more than two?" My head was spinning with this new information, though a big part of me was fighting it, reminding me that I had known this man for less than 24 hours. Even if he was a friend of Grya's, that didn't mean I should trust him completely.

At the same time, though, that word..."Bigender"...it fit. It was like when I heard my name for the first time. It was as if I'd been trying to hop on one foot for my entire life and just discovered there was a whole other leg. Now that I was on two feet, I didn't want to go back.

So I listened. "There's a whole constellation of genders," said The Traveler. "Personally, I'm Agender- I don't feel a pull to any side."

"But you grew your hair out."

"Hair doesn't have a gender. Neither do clothes, jewelry, or colors." He locked me in place with his eyes, more serious than when he had told me I was Bigender. "It's humanity that decided that these things are for males or females, and just humanity. In nature, peacocks have brightly colored feathers to attract mates, and they're male. Female animals usually have duller coloration than males for safety. Nature never said that only girls and women can wear bright colors, nor did it say that they must or else surrender their femininity."

"What about The Good?" My parents hadn't told me much about Them, only that They were the source of every good thing, while demons brought "the evils of the world." I didn't know much more about Them other than that. In the old days we would have gone to a Meeting, but those had died out along with most of the human race in the war.

"Very few texts tell us about Them," said The Traveler, "but every scrap of Their Book that I found didn't say anything explicit about it."

"Oh." I didn't know what else to say. Everything I thought I'd known was crashing down, and there was nothing I could do to stop it, nor was I sure that I wanted to. If there was nothing wrong with being me, with acting the way I wanted to act, then why shouldn't I? "So if I told my parents-"

"See, that's where things get complicated," said The Traveler. "Some- a lot -of people don't have the same understanding, or say that The Good hates anyone they perceive as 'against nature,' which we know is already ####." He looked at me guiltily. "Sorry, that just kind of slipped out."

"It's alright, I swear all the time."

He gave me an odd look. "Are your parents okay with it?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I picked up when I was younger, before my parents met, and I haven't let them hear me."

"Grya didn't tell me that your mom had you alone. It was your mom, right?"

"Yeah," I said. "She met my actual father when she was a teenager and they ran away." I'd been told the story so many times that I had it memorized word-for-word. "Then my father left her, and she tried to go back home, but the entire village had been burnt down in the war."

"That's awful."

"I don't remember it- she was pregnant with me at the time." I paused. "And she's always told me that she didn't feel at home there- she said, even if they were alive, we're the only family she's got."

"Oh. That's hard, when you don't feel connected with your birth family."

"I wouldn't know," I said. "And I hope I never will." An awful feeling speared my chest. What if I told them and they disowned me? Then I remembered Purplewing, and how she'd been there for me. There was no reason to suspect the rest of my siblings wouldn't act the same way. Bolstered, I asked, "Do you think I should tell my parents? They might not understand, but maybe they'd still be supportive of me."

"It's up to you," said The Traveler. "Have they ever said something bad about transgender people?"

"What's that?"

"I guess that answers that question," said The Traveler, unsmiling. "I guess it could go either way. It's up to you- but I would make sure you have someone to live with if it falls through. Just in case."

"Oh. Thanks." The thought of them throwing me out over something I couldn't control burned like a hot poker. But I knew he was right.

I shivered, and this time it actually did have to do with the cold. "You should go back," he said. "I wouldn't want you to catch something. Not nowadays."

"Th-th-thanks." I said, my teeth chattering. The cold had hit me like a ton of bricks. Very, very cold ones.

"No problem- I love helping young people figure out their identities- it's what I live for."

"Did you do that for Grya?"

"No, she knew who she was. She just needed a friend while you were gone."

"Oh. Thank you for that too."

"It was my pleasure." I turned to leave.

"Oh- Smevy!" I stopped.

"Don't be afraid to say no to that girl." He was serious again. "And don't take it too fast. Being in love is like eating honey- good in small doses, but consume it and it will cause problems." He paused, then made a face. "Actually, that's probably not the best comparison. How about-"

"It's alright, I get it!" I said, laughing despite the cold that was now turning my hands numb. "I get your point."

"Good. Now shoo!"

I ran off, a broad smile on my face.

I knew who I was. And, through all my misgivings, I knew I wasn't going to let anyone take it away from me.