My Story My Song 🎶 | Norenmin

十一

"Well this is my story

My song that I'll play for you

No matter who you're with,

I hope that you won't know of sadness and continue smiling"

*******

The night before MAMA 2021, Jaemin ask Renjun to spend a night with him on their apartment's rooftop. Saying he wanted to be free and relax for awhile. The non-stop promotion is taking a toll on him and there's no one moment that Jaemin thought he wanted to just sleep all day long.

They lay down beside each other, staring at the moon and the stars. Pointing at the most brightest star that they can see.

"The one beside that star is so gloomy. It's like it'll just fall in any second for being outcast from everybody. It's a pity because it shine in it own way buy the others seems like don't wanna get close to it. I wish I could hold it." Renjun pointed at the star on their left.

Jaemin tried to find where the star is but couldn't as they aren't even close to the sky and it's hard to spot one specific star from others eyes in the thousands of stars. But he just chuckled from how innocent Renjun is this night. He look so fragile and soft, no one would ever know that this fragile and soft young boy is actually very sexy in his bed. But he didn't plan to tell others about it, at all.

"Why are you laughing? I'm talking about that pitiful star." Renjun pout.

Giggled, Jaemin turn to face Renjun. "Then, do you want me to cry for the star? It's just a star Reonjeonie," The korean cooed at the Chinese. Pinching the rosy cheeks of the boy whenever he get since the boy is quick to smack his hand away.

Renjun huffed. "Okay, first of all, my name is Renjun. Reon.Ju.In! Second, no. You don't have to cry or mourn for the star. Just feel bad for it, that's enough. Third, it's not just a star. It a thing that shine your darkness in the night. It's very valuable thing." The Chinese defended.

"You are so cute, you know that." Jaemin cooed again and steal a peck on the boy's lips.

Making the boy stunted for a while to process Jaemin's action. Indeed their night activities should've make them even more closer and the peck should've been normal since they did more than that innocent thing. But for Renjun, he still can't get used to this type of Jaemin. The Jaemin that's always so soft to him, the Jaemin that Jeno love but giving all his attention to Renjun. This Jaemin is something that is very unimaginable.

For some moment, he think deeply. Leaving the Korean nagging at him about something that he didn't pay any attention of. Why did Jaemin did this to him? Didn't he in love with Jeno? Aren't they a thing? Why Jaemin want his body when he have Jeno? Maybe Jeno isn't a bottom, but still. Love will always win regardless your position in sex. He frowned from thinking too hard.

"What's with the ugly face?" the Korean tried to sooth the wrinkle on the Chinese's forehead.

And that's the cue, Renjun want to clear his mind as soon as possible by just asking the younger.

"Why are you asking me to be here? Why aren't Jeno?" Renjun ask. Blinking several times for being curious.

Now, it's Jaemin's turn to frown. "And why are you asking that?"

"Jaemin. You are Jeno's bo- best friend. Of course it won't be weird to ask him to be with you here. I'm just your fuck buddies. Isn't it weird to ask you fuck buddy to hang out like any normal people?" Renjun tried to give his statement to start the argument. No, more like to correct the things that has been going wrong.

"What are you saying? Didn't I said never to the thing between us as fuck buddies. I've never treated you like one. I've never force it to you or demand it from you. Is that all you ever see of me?" the Korean is hurt. His heart feels like being shredded to pieces from the Chinese's words.

To say that Renjun felt guilty toward Jaemin isn't the correct word by now. He feels even beyond that. He wish to rewind the time and make things right. Maybe to the time Jaemin ask to help his sexual need is the most thing he wanted to rewind.

But he is getting too attached with Jaemin's body. To live without him is like a torture to him. Jaemin makes him feel loved, feel like he is the only person in the world that worth everything and anything. The younger cares and handle him like he is a fragile glass that need to be care for. Jaemin made him feel important.

But his heart is reserve for Jeno, a boy who didn't even know his love exist. A boy who never pay attention to him just to be with Jaemin. The Jeno who always treat him like a second option. Making him feel worthless and didn't feel the need to keep him.

Renjun is stupid, he knows that. How he wish everyday that he could love Jaemin and give back what he received. But no, he still being stubborn and to love only Lee Jeno.

"Then, what am I to you, Jaemin?" Renjun ask again.

Sighed, he know Renjun is unsure with their crazy relationship. And he know that one day, he had to come clean. But not this fast, he guess.

Screw it. he will do it today. Now or never.

"You are the one that I love. The one that brighten my night, lighting my darkness. Bringing life to my dead land. You are my everything." Jaemin confess. Finally.

Upon the confession, Renjun is confused. He is happy, but he get sad for the next second. He wanted to say that he love Jaemin back. But his heart is at Jeno. And he fall into silent.

"Jun? am I moving too fast?" the Korean is unsure.

The Chinese shook his head. "We have already done beyond fast Jaemin. But I'm sorry. You know I love Jeno. And only him." tears started to fall from the overwhelmed that feels right now. "But I do appreciate your confession. It bring me to joy for a second. Thank you so much for liking me, despite me treating you like a toy sometimes. Using your body just to- you know-"

Jaemin wipe his tears away. "I know love. And I will never ask for anything in return. It just you letting me to help you release your frustration and that is enough for me. it's okay."

The Korean sit up and bring the Chinese to his lap. Cradling him and hush him to comfort him. It hurt him to see the boy crying because of him. It doesn't sit right in him.

"I'm sorry Jaem. You just help me, letting me feel the love. But I couldn't do anything to help you. I'm sorry." 

_To Be Continued_