fly with me//siddjann

blush

I am Siddharth. I'm a writer. And as a writer, my job is to collect my thoughts in a profound space. This space ought to be safe, large and something that's special to me. And only me.

When you're born into this world, you're born with an unsolicited need, of wanting to be wanted, of wanting to be needed, and of wanting to be loved. I don't really believe in the utopian idea of "every person is beautiful". Some people can be real dickheads. And honestly, there's nothing you can do about it. But sometimes it becomes too much to handle, so you can all of your hate in a huge tin bucket and lit it on fire. The bucket remains stable but the hate inside, it glazes in the heat.

But some people, really are beautiful. You look at them and feel things that you think are not supposed to be felt. You put all your admiration for them inside your heart and lit it on fire. But this time, not only your feelings, but your whole heart is set ablaze.

So give love a try. Once, twice, thrice, as many times as you want to. And as many times as you can. Appreciating someone's very existence and letting them know about it is not wrong. And it is never wrong.

So you either lock up all of your hate and throw it around randomly on a few people, or you gather all of your love and spread it around like confetti. Colourful confetti. Just like snowflakes that have fallen from the sky.

As an author, I have to play both the angel and the devil. I have to walk my mind through my own crime stories and become a character to pen my thoughts down. And that character doesn't have the liberty to choose between being a goody two shoes or being the bad guy. But you do. Everyone does.

You ever fall for someone who is probably never going to love you back? Unrequited love. You want them to want you back. You want them to need you back. And you want them to love you back. But they cant. So your heart breaks. Into tiny little pieces.

And then eventually someone comes along. And puts all of the pieces back in their place. Why? Because they can see right through you. You could do it yourself. But sometimes, the burden becomes too high. And the stakes rise. And you feel low. So low, that you feel like you're the worst person on the planet. You doubt yourself. You hate yourself. And you question your existence.

You can either wait for life to give you opportunities to fulfill your want of being wanted, needed and loved, or you can take control of your own life and build your own path. If you haven't loved anyone yet, you're scared. You're scared that your feelings might get the better of you. Or you've a fear of being rejected. Which is normal. Because, not everyone gets everything that they desire.

The girl sitting beside of me. I didn't even know what her name was. But she was innocent, I felt like I was dealing with a little kid. She loved, and she lost. I could tell her everything that I told you, but she wouldn't listen. Right now, she thinks that love is the most hateful thing on earth. Which may be true. Or it may not.

She was beautiful. She had dark brown lenses that sparkled when moisture took over the dryness in her eyes. She had a soft complexion that glowed due to the sunlight that seeped through the window stuck beside her. Her fingers twitched as she played with the tissue that she was holding in her hands. The black kohl on her eyes had left little markings on the tissue. Her mood swinged from time to time. Like it was a pendulum. But it had to stop someday, right? Right. Her long, dark hair fell down onto her shoulders and below. She laughed when I said something funny. Her voice was solemn. It sounded like a quiet winter breeze. She smiled. Like she was an angel. It was contagious. Just looking at her smile, could make you smile. Like I said, she was beautiful.

                                  ~
(a/n: month of halloween whoop whoop

i hope you liked the chap x

lmao my bestfriend was asking me for advice today about her love life, and i was like LOVEBUG TURNS 13 TODAY (to those of you who don't know, its a song) (and im a really bad listener but ok)

and then the same evening, im putting out my thoughts on love

heck life is funny

well see you soon

xoxo
s~)