my life rn

my view of love pt.2

I'm in love with the idea of being in love. The concept itself is beautiful beyond comprehension. how two souls can be infixed with raw and tender affection. Many people, including myself, have fallen in love with the pure idea of being in love. Sometimes love doesn't make sense, doesn't add up, having someone want you first but then be the one to leave you. Some love, some people are meant to be but not in this life but in another, similar to the Japanese belief of the spiritual red thread. That two people connected by the red thread are destined lovers, regardless of place, time, or circumstances. This magical cord may stretch or tangle, but never break. And maybe someday you'll be two people meeting for the first time again. There are many different ways to say 'I love you' without actually having to say it, for example: I forgave the world when I met you, you're the reason why I wake up in the morning, even when my days are at its worst just a simple thought of you makes it worthwhile.

Maybe in another life, I'll be the perfect you've always been looking for, the more I fell in love with you, the more you fell out of love with me, you drifted from me so quickly I had no time to hold onto you. We didn't talk for a whole year, we used to talk every day. I've known you for 12 years, more than half my life our parents best friends. We were inseparable, we had that little kiddy crush on each other but decided to stay friends, oh how young and dumb we were, so naive, so blind. You were the only person I cared about my face lit up every time you texted, but that was three years ago. Watching someone close to you drift away and not being able to stop them, that's how it felt, even though I was, what, maybe 11,12 years old I still felt like I could tell you everything be whoever I wanted to be.

But as the years grew so did our friendship, we grew apart, it all happened so, so fast, it was year 8 when this feeling started to happen. But the last time we actually were together as best of friends (with still lingering crushes) was in year 7, my 13th birthday party, I had an enormous crush on you and was so, so scared. But that night was the best of my life, sitting next to you thighs touching, putting your arm around my shoulder when taking pictures together, being the last one among two of my other friends to leave the party last, we all went up to my room and probably had a better time being stupid and laughing up there then we did at the actual party, but like I said, that was the last time we were together as friends so blind for what was about to come next.

Months went on and our chats got simplistic, soon it would take hours for him to reply even days, the days turned into weeks, he had made so many new friends who were girls, they were prettier and funnier to be around. He became 'too cool' for me to be friends anymore, fast forward to mid year 2020, we bumped into each other at a park, it was a sudden surprise to say the least, he was all shy but his kindness shone through, the kindness i remembered, he said hi to me for the first time in what had seemed like months (but this time in real life), he gave me a hug, unexpected but fully welcomed.

We exchanged a few 'how are you?' Then he was gone, gone back to his friends who were laughing and staring at me as he walked back and I stood there in shock. That was the weirdest day ever. After that encounter things reverted back to before, not opening texts for weeks, I didn't mind honestly.Idk how this has turned into my life story but just roll with it. After everything that happened to us, I still tell myself to get over him. I think about him way too much then I should, I still open Snapchat to see if he's replied but it simply says 'delivered 1d ago' my face falls to a frown but my mind tells my heart to not care and he's not worth it.
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hey guys sorry some of these are so long. When i've got stuff to say i rlly don't shut up 😭😆