The Professor's Assistant (Snape x OC)

Dear... Diary?

Dear... Diary? Journal? What even is this?

I'm gonna go with "Dear Diary". Just like the diaries you buy as a child, are obsessed with and then never write in again until you find that thing years later.

Well, maybe I should introduce myself, although you are an inanimate object and don't care about me. But hi, I'm Maddy. And this whole Diary thing wasn't my idea. My therapist suggested that I write down what I do every week and how I feel. Kinda bullshit if you ask me, I don't get how that's supposed to help me. Maybe that's the reason I'm only starting this now and not two weeks ago, when I was actually supposed to start writing stuff down.

Don't get me wrong, I like my therapist. Dr. Hemming is very helpful, and I feel safe when I share my problems with her. I just don't know about this diary. I don't think it's helpful to write down "Monday: teaching. It was boring. Tuesday: same thing", because it's rare that anything happens. That being said, I'm starting now, on Sunday, because this week was a bit more eventful than usual.

Monday morning started rather relaxed, I prepared some ingredients, graded a bunch of homework and held a lesson with the Second-years. Nothing special really, so no emotions to write down for this. But, like every Monday evening, my therapy session was set, Severus accompanied me on my way there like always.

When I had my first session, I had asked him to actually attend it, and it was rather nice. For the ones after that, he always waited for me in the waiting room, reading gossipy magazines that he hated. He had made it a habit to complain about the useless articles every time. I suggested he bring a book, but he said, he'd have "nothing to rant about anymore" if he did that. I disagreed. Severus Snape always found something to rant about. My guess is, he rather wanted to give me a moment to settle down from the session. So instead of having to talk about therapy, I could laugh at him and his antics.

My first two sessions were mostly getting-to-know-each-other sessions. This week, though, we started talking about my childhood and the trauma that was hiding there. We talked about Jamie, the discovery of me being an Inferna and the relationship to my... parents... for the lack of a better word. I'd lie if I said I didn't cry a little. Okay, a lot, actually. But I was also relieved, and I still am, because the opportunity to work through all this is making me happy. It means there is a possibility that I can live a rather normal life at some point. Not perfect, but good, hopefully.

The only thing that really happened on Tuesday was the date night I had with Severus. He had made Dinner for us, Lasagna to be precise, and we talked until midnight. I eventually fell asleep in his arms and woke up to him watching me. We are still keeping our relationship secret, and we are also taking it rather slow, but I'm absolutely okay with that. There is no need to hurry in my opinion, and if the right moment comes to take our relationship a step further, I'm sure we'll both recognize it. And since I'm supposed to write about my feelings: I am completely and utterly in love with this man, but I haven't yet told him so because I am afraid it could scare him away. Maybe I should talk to Dr. Hemming about that.

In comparison to these first two days of the week, Wednesday was stressful. The students had a project day, which meant that Severus and I had to watch a bunch of students from all different years in the Great Hall and make sure they worked on their projects instead of talking the whole day. That alone would have made every teacher wish for a month-long holiday, but of course that wasn't the end of our problems. Students were chatty under normal circumstances, but on that day they were outright loud. And there was only one topic still: The fucking Yule Ball. Instead of working on projects, all that could be heard was "Who are you going to the ball with?" "What kind of dress will you be wearing?" "Will you go to the ball with me?". To an outsider it would have seemed like our students had no free-time at all to talk about these things, so they had to do it during their lessons.