dirty little secrets → rc

27: tell me you hate me

"So you don't get mad thinking about his hands all over my body...about him touching me in places even you haven't," I said lowly stepping towards him but he stomped over to the other side of the room and leaned his head against the wooden lockers.

"Is that what this is all about Rafe! Tell me!" I yelled walking over to him as he stayed in his position, "Are you mad that JJ took my virginity instead of you...the thing you betted on" I sneered but jumped when he forcefully slammed the palm of his hand into the locker repeatedly making me take a step back from him in shock.

"Shut up!" Rafe roared moving away from the locker with his face contorted in anger and maybe sadness, regret I wasn't exactly sure which.

Seeing his expression I walked back over to him getting annoyed at the situation. I wanted to go back to dancing with my friends not have Rafe yell in my face.

He stayed rooted in his position as I moved to stand directly in front of him, "Not that it's your business or anything Rafe, but I'm not sleeping with JJ. So there are you happy?"

I watched Rafe's facial features slowly relax from an enraged look to now satisfied, happy even?

A smile grin rose to his face "Yes".

"Are you serious?" I scoffed "This is all because of your unnecessary jealously"

"So what if I'm jealous it doesn't matter anyway" He muttered looking down at me as I stared into his blue eyes.

"Well you need to get over it Rafe, the pogues are my friends and to be honest there's no reason for you to be jealous we aren't together"

This seemed to trigger him again as he rose his eyebrows up and bit down on his lower lip, "Don't you think I know that" he growled. "I'm reminded every single day that we aren't together"

I didn't really understand what he meant but I let it slide really not wanting another fight. "Can we just not fight" I sighed "I'm tired and believe it or not I was enjoying myself out there"

Rafe slowly nodded his head running his tongue along his bottom lip, "Just tell me one thing".

"What?"

"Tell me you hate me" He breathed standing even closer to me. 

I was a bit surprised at his words. I widened my eyes and bit my lip trying to think of a response, did I really hate Rafe?

Did I hate the only boy who could give me butterflies just from the sound of his voice.

Who could send sparks through my body at the tiniest touch.

Whose words could cheer me up even in my darkest times. 

Yes, Rafe had hurt me in the past but I don't think I ever hated him.

As much as it pained me to admit.

I don't think I could ever hate him no matter how hard I tried.

 No matter how much I acted like I did, in my heart I couldn't.

Truth is I knew I couldn't hate him nearly enough as I wanted to. 

Nearly enough as my brain was begging me to but I knew in my heart he was the same boy I fell for all that time ago.

I looked up from the ground seeing him impatiently tap his foot against the floor waiting for my answer, the more seconds of silence went by the sadder his look became.

"I can't....I can't seem to hate you Rafe no matter how hard I try" I mumbled looking back down to my feet but not before seeing the smile rising on his face.