White Clovers

Chapter 22: Understanding Memory

"What?" Ireland asked; his shock and confusion soaked the words. "That can't be true! I would have remembered it, wouldn't I?" The young man paused. His brain was filled with interminable words, Neth just eyed blankly. Neth shook his head and supported it on his hand. "What do you mean you "would have remembered" !"
"Exactly as what I said! I explained to you about my memory loss, ...didn't I?" Ireland said frustratingly. "Not that I know of." Neth sulked as he leaned into his hand.

"Are you sure that it's true? You could be mistaking me for someone else." Ireland frantically wanted it to be a joke. "It's true." Neth held firm "Why would I ever lie to you?" His face softened a little more, he seemed... hurt. "I'm sorry, Neth. Just give me a few seconds to sort it all through. I'll tell you everything after, okay?" He was already yanking himself out of bed and scrambling forwards to the bathroom. "Alright." A small frown sat on Neth's lovely face.

Ireland instantly hid in the bathroom. He slumped against the bathtub and clenched his hair in balls. His brain compressed with overwhelming reflections, all it could do was ask questions. Why couldn't he remember? Why? Was his brain not working? Did the pain he'd gone through even happen? Is anything that had happened in the past few weeks even real? Would he remember the expressions that his family made? At that moment Ireland desperately tried to remember Scotland's face. He couldn't.

Questions threw up in his brain, each one getting worse and worse. It caused a pit to form in his stomach and made his brain nauseous. The worst part was that he didn't have the answers. He never had the answers, they simply never existed to him. The pit grew more and a soft buzzing sound formed in his ears. Hot tears threaten to wet his face, nothing made sense anymore. He felt like he was drowning. He felt like he was gonna be sick.

He hastily pushed himself to the toilet and gagged. Finally barfing out all of his stress into the toilet. One after another his dinner and his questions left. After his episode, Ireland flushed the toilet and lay in the bathtub. His mind still ruined from questions was the only thing that bothered him. His dazed eyes stared off into triviality whilst he searched for answers in his brain. When had his memory been this bad? Had it always been this bad? Always with the questions, all he had ever done was interrogate his doubts.

He never cared much for his past to begin with, what was so important about it? Everything he needed to know was hazy yet, it was always enough for Ireland. Living in ignorance; never to anticipate that so much of it was gone. He always trusted his memory, now how would he ever?
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Ireland stayed in that bathroom for an hour, sorting through his thoughts and debating what to do next. Neth on the other hand sat perplexed; he knew that Ireland would work through it, at least somewhere in his gut he knew. But he couldn't grasp the whole memory loss thing. Neth knew of amnesia just like anyone else, along with certain trauma responses. "Is this some trauma response?" He tilted his head and thought aloud. "I mean it could be, just what if he's lying?" Two different sides argued in his head. Both points were valid with their possibilities.

A small creak from the bathroom door made Neth quickly lookup. Ireland's face was horrible, swollen from tears and messed up hair. "Hey..." His voice was deep and croaked out like a frog. "Hey," A gentle smile should help him out, at least a little. Ireland couldn't help but smile back. "Do." Silence. "Do you wanna talk about it? I can just listen if you want." Neth was the first to speak, Ireland only dragged himself slowly over to the bed. He rested beneath his sheets. "A mix..." He whispered into the blankets. Neth nodded and laid right by him. "How about you just tell me whatever you want. We can talk about it later if you want. Or never again, either way, I'm here for you." Neth placed a gentle kiss on Ireland's forehead. Even after going through so much, how could he be so kind? Ireland nodded; his voice too, all of it seemed sad.

"I can't remember much, I remember portions of stories. Sometimes I get flashbacks like those sappy amnesia shows. But for the most part, it's hazy." Ireland closed his eyes and began his long speech. It detailed his feelings and troubles with his dad and the small memories he had with, presumably, Neth. Speaking of which, he only listened to Ireland and occasionally filled in his information. It turns out that a lot of what Neth remembers was completely gone for Ireland.

One that Ireland was honestly disappointed he couldn't remember was their first kiss as a couple. It was a night filled with excitement. The last of their winter finals finally passed, the two had wanted to go to a party. Neither knew what to expect from a high school party thrown by a couple of exhausted teenagers. But it was gonna be fun, the two men had stayed together that night and were careful not to drink anything. With the music, dancing, it all eventually led to Neth kissing Ireland on the back porch while getting fresh air.

Other memories were only saved in small bits and pieces. Taken out of context many were seen as confusing for Ireland. But they all brought out a happy new memory with Neth. Slowly, they cuddled up to each other and fell asleep to their own stories.
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Morning came quickly, its sun happily introduced Ireland back to the present. "Good morning sleepyhead," Neth's voice hummed. He seemed far away, Ireland peeked his eyes open and quickly turned around. His ears turned bright red from the sight of Neth getting dressed. "Morning," Ireland squeaked back. "So," Neth (now dressed thankfully) stretched over him. "Feeling better?" Ireland nodded and hid his face inside the blankets again. "That's good! I'm happy you're feeling well." Ireland nodded again. "I made breakfast, everyone else ate and is hiding out in the basement. Not sure why." Just with Neth's words, Ireland could feel the bright morning smile on his face. "I have a question," Ireland mumbled as he pushed Neth away from him now that he calmed down. "Are we... you know, dating?"
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Words: 1097

Author's Notes:
Mental health got worse over the past few months, I apologize for not updating. Just needed some time for myself. I don't think I'll write a lot or every week like I used to. I'll probably post every month or so, not entirely sure yet. I hope you enjoyed this sorta filler chapter. Drink water, take a shower, and get some food! Have a great rest of your day/evening!! Oh and Happy Holidays!

P.S.
22 chapters holy smokes, I also can't believe we're almost done with the fanfic my goodness-