𝙋𝙪𝙙𝙙𝙡𝙚 𝙊𝙛 𝙒𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧.. (Ranboo x Oc )

✙I ✚

𝙀𝙥𝙞𝙨𝙤𝙙𝙚 .. 01

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Alone             
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Luzcœur's
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Dropping my can on the table, my pen rolls, I catch the pen before it falls off the edge of my desk. Picking it up, and observing it as if it were a piece of art, my eyes widen as I read the text.

No sorry's!!!

I huff out a chuckle as a wave of melancholy hits me, I wish I would have done it differently.

My throat dry, I open my can of water,  weird choice of can drink I'm aware but I've been trying to better my physical health as well as mental.

I drink the water and as it goes down my throat, I'm blessed by its reliving feeling. My liking for instant solutions is unhealthy, not that unhealthy but I'd wish everything was like that.

That was my mentality for a while, realizing that getting what I want takes time, I'm trying to understand that and it'll be a long time till I'll ever be called "healthy".

My legs start to go numb and before everything starts turning into a blur, I write down,

15:08 - daily walks

Putting my pen down, I decide to make my way out to the streets. The clap of my shoes performs a song but nothing new as I expect when will be the next clap be.

My thoughts wondering around when I see an aloe plant, I stop in my tracks,

'STOP! YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME A RASH! '

I shiver, the rhythm of tapping from my shoes continues, I wish I would have known what I know now. I am alone with my thoughts, regretting everything which is something I should have been doing a long time ago.

 I miss what I had before but if I were to try and go back, there I wouldn't be Luzcœur anymore.

 I wonder when will alone ever be enough, when will I finally be "alone enough" that I'd need someone. I can't rush my recovery but will I ever be able to say sorry to the ones I've done wrong?

Probably not, but hopefully before I die I do, before Luzcœur dies, and before I die I want to get better and I will get better.

A part of "getting better" is getting a new therapist. Diana my old therapist, told me that I had to get a new one, something about a new environment.

My alarm rings, indicating that it is finally time to start my therapy, I jog there and arrive at an unfamiliar building as my anxiety starts to flare up.

My palms start to sweat and as if I had run a marathon, the beat of my heart only increases but trying to rationalize with myself, without my own consent (mentally of course), I walk in.

As I open the door the chimes of the bells ring which alerts the receptionist, they look up at me and nod, gesturing that I come closer. Walking toward them, they have a soft voice as they ask why I was there.

Stating my reason she gives me the directions to my new therapist's room, which I repeat to myself in hopes I wouldn't forget. Arriving at the door, I knock.

The door opens as a, girl? with blonde bangs and brown hair greets me. A warm smile painted on their face.

I come in, closing the door behind me, I look back and they sit on one of the two only chairs leaving the only vacant one for me.

"Hi dear, you must be Lz right?" I shake my head, I hate that name, "No, I'm Luzcœur," I say in a stern voice, I already didn't like them.

Bouncing my leg, itching to leave this room, they speak again, "Sorry, Luzcœur, do you know why you're here?" That's dumb, of course, I would, "Yes." I may have seemed rude but I hated that they mentioned that nickname.

"I see, would you tell me why?" I judge too quickly but they were asking unnecessary questions or maybe I didn't like the way they introduced themselves to me.

"Sure. I'm here because I have to practice my demeanor?" They nod, writing down something, their pen was black, I already hated it here.

"Before I forget,  I'm Dr. Lint he/they!" I nod, surprised that this man represented a lot of female traits, "so you're trans?" They nod giving a smile as if they won a prize, how could someone be so happy? "Yes, although I don't need to portray male traits all the time." Winking as they write something down.

I start to worry about the question I asked did I come off rude or anything, I decided that they deserved it, I was downright salty and stubborn.

I start to relax under the environment until they ask me a question I never liked hearing nor answering, "Could you tell me where this all started? if you're comfortable of course," Either way I had to tell them sooner or later so I decided to get it done with.

Catching my breath as I try to persuade myself to stay calm, I start, "Well I only realized it when he came.."

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pls vote, balls 🤹

Written on: June 2, 2022
Rewritten on: October 16, 2022
850 words ;)