Enthralled

capitulo once.

I sat across from Director Tyler and absentmindedly twiddled my thumbs as I waited for her to read the letter that I'd handed her when I walked in. After my visit to the cemetery with my family, I'd made a decision that would come as a shock to most people who knew me. My superior gave nothing away as she carefully set the piece of A4 paper down on her desk. Silence enveloped the room as she seemed to ponder her response.

"What are the chances of you taking this letter and pretending that this never happened?" Tyler's glasses hung low on her nose bridge as she looked at me.

To my surprise, my first response to her question was a short burst of laughter. "To be quite frank with you, it's either you approve my sabbatical request or accept my resignation. I'm burnt out and I need some time to decide if I still want this career. I'm just asking for the time that I'm owed- no one has worked more overtime than I have."

Tyler sighed and nodded slowly. "I suppose I've always taught you kids to know your limits...and you know that we can't lose you- not after your promotion. Okay Santos, can you wait outside while I try to work this out with the people upstairs?"

"Thank you." I smiled at her, already feeling lighter at the prospect of some time off.

She shook her head and chuckled under her breath, "Don't thank me yet!"

I walked out of Director Tyler's office and planted myself into one of the hard plastic chairs that sat outside of her office. I hadn't told anyone about my plan to take a leave of absence from work- mostly because I didn't quite believe that I'd get it, but also because I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up if it didn't work out. It was all that I could think about it the days following that trip to the cemetery; I couldn't help thinking that I'd used my job to fill a void that no longer existed in my life and I desperately needed to see if I would miss it if I was no longer obligated to be there. Sure, I loved the work that I did but I wondered if I still loved it the same way as I did before. And like everything else in my life, jumping into the deep end seemed like the only plausible course of action- I didn't trust myself to just... work less, no, I felt like I needed to take work out of the equation for a while and then start over from scratch.

Director Tyler called me back into her office about twenty minutes later, the smile on her face gave it all away. "You've got a month off and if you need more time off, I suggest you get a doctor to sign you off for emotional distress or anxiety; that'll get you a few more weeks." She winked at me, "Especially at this place Santos, they're trying very hard to rebrand as the pinnacle of staff wellbeing."

"Thank you!" I was bursting at the seams, feeling lighter than I had when I'd walked into the hospital this morning. "I really needed this; you know I wouldn't have asked unless it was urgent."

My boss nodded slowly and cocked her head to the side in an inquisitive manner. It was almost like she was seeing me for the first time. "Just... make sure you come back Santos, alright?"

For some reason, I couldn't offer my boss more than a noncommittal shrug and half a smile on my way out of her office. I left the hospital and headed straight home where Mahdi and Onyx were waiting- Cairo still had a few more hours left at school and it was probably best to tell Mahdi about my sabbatical while we were alone. When I opened the door, I could hear Mahdi singing and on further inspection I found him cleaning the kitchen with Air Pods in. I almost didn't want to ruin the moment by announcing my presence, so I pulled my phone out and snapped a quick candid shot of him in his element before leaning in the doorway and waiting for him to notice me there. It didn't take long for him to spin around and find me standing there, a quizzical look donning his face as he popped one Air Pod out.

"Hey gorgeous, you okay?" Mahdi quickly abandoned his cleaning mission in favor of checking me over.

I nodded as his hands caressed my face, "I'm perfectly fine. Tired, but fine." My hands went around his wrists. "We need to talk about something." I stole a quick kiss and then pulled him towards the living room.

"I'm trying not to worry Rinze; it's very difficult at the moment." Mahdi and I sat facing each other on the couch, his hands instinctively reached out to touch me.

I smiled at him and relished in the warmth of his palm on my thigh. "I'm taking some time off work-" The air was instantly knocked out of me as Mahdi pulled me onto his lap. "You need to warn a person!"

"Like you warned me?" Mahdi's grin was infectious. "How much time? At least two weeks, right?"

I wrapped my arms around his neck, itching to be closer to him. "More like a month." I matched his grin. "Just some time to reassess my life and what I want from it. I mean, I've been working at the hospital ever since I became qualified- never took any gap years... never felt the need to take any time off, so this is where I am now."

"This is going to be good for you- after you get past the first few days. I know you and I know that it'll feel boring at first, you'll want to go in or check your work emails." Mahdi chuckled while squeezing me tightly. "But after that, just try to make the most of it."

I nodded slowly; as a workaholic, I knew that it wouldn't be the easiest thing in the world to disconnect... but I knew that I needed it. Mahdi and I talked about all the things I could do during my time off, all the things that I could work on internally when there wasn't the chaos of a twelve-hour shift to distract me. "Don't take this the wrong way, Taylor but I'm most looking forward to being your little kept woman; just waiting for you to come home to me."

It was something that I never got to experience fully, because Mahdi usually walked through the door right when I was leaving or I'd crawl into bed next to him in the middle of the night. I looked forward to just being more present. Mahdi released a loud laugh and pulled me even closer, if that was possible.

"Be careful Santos, I'm attracted to your independence but hearing you talk like that returns me to my baser instincts." As if to prove his point, Mahdi leaned up and bit me on the neck. "I'm so happy that you're doing this for yourself Rinze. I know that we've talked about it a lot, but seeing you work that much was difficult... especially because I'm privy to your innermost thoughts." Mahdi sighed into my neck.

I rubbed his head lovingly, wondering what I'd done to deserve the magnitude of love that he'd bestowed upon me. "Something shifted in that cemetery, I can't quite explain but there was a palpable shift within me."

Closure was a powerful thing, more powerful than mere acknowledgement. It was easy to just acknowledge that something was wrong and much more difficult to find peace with that wrong. I was wronged as a teenager, left so traumatized that I'd become a shell of a person- never finding comfort in others, never finding comfort in anything except my job. Closure was accepting that it was okay to move on and knowing that I had people to lean on, knowing that I didn't have to work myself to the bone just to avoid human emotion. And with that clarity came the knowledge that other parts of my life required my attention.

I had been doing well with being present, but it wasn't enough when a call from the hospital was still powerful enough to pull me away from the moment. Now, there wouldn't be any calls... there would just be time to explore and enjoy everything that I'd shut out. And I couldn't forget therapy- for a moment I wondered what Dr. Jade would think of all this, would she be proud or would she accuse me of running from something? I wouldn't know until we spoke again.

"You've grown into so much more than that closed off girl from a year ago. I hope you're proud of yourself." Mahdi kissed me on the cheek.

Pride something that I'd never taken much stock in before but he was right and I was proud of myself. "I am, very proud." 

HI! Just a short chapter to get back into the swing of things. More updates on the way, thank you for your patience.